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“Oh, stop it. No, you didn’t. We found food just in time, didn’t we?” I said to them.
“I don’t know,” Eli continued. “It was cwose.”
“Close! Close? Oh, yes. Look at you. You’re skin and bone.” I gently prodded his side and he dissolved into a fit of giggles.
Brantley blinked at us. “I don’t know what’s happening here.”
To be honest, he looked exhausted.
“Well,” I said, closing the book and putting it on the coffee table. “Me and Ellie finally got done with the coffee table around six. We came down and you were on the phone, so after some attempted Cirque De Soleil moves, we rustled up the delicacy that is soup and grilled cheese, drank some milk and found some pajamas, and read about a dinosaur who poops everything out. Twice. We were about to read it a third time when you graced us with your presence.”
“Wait. What is the time?”
“Seven-thirty.”
“Jesus.” He rubbed his hand over his face. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realize.”
“It’s okay. We’re all good, right?” I looked at both twins. “We had fun.”
They both nodded. “Bedtime now?” Ellie asked.
“Yes. For sure. Come on. I’ll take you up.” Brantley blew out a long breath. “Say goodnight to Kali.”
“Goodnight, Kawi!” they sang, scrambling up off the sofa. Then, they both stopped, turned, and jumped on me. I shrieked as I caught them, and they both planted a big kiss on my cheeks.
“Fank you,” Eli said.
“Goodnight,” Ellie echoed.
I squeezed them both with a laugh. “Night, guys.”
They grinned and got back up, running off to the stairs again. Brantley stared at me for a moment and held up a finger.
“Will you wait for me to come back before you leave?” he asked tentatively.
“Sure.” I smiled.
He looked as though he wanted to say something else, but changed his mind. He followed after the twins, and I looked at their piles of dirty clothes on the floor.
Brantley looked shattered, as if he could fall asleep standing up.
I got up and grabbed them, then ran them through the back to the utility area just off the kitchen. I put them in the dirty laundry, then returned to the front room and picked up the dinosaurs who had been attending Barbie’s wedding to Batman.
Then, with my hand around the tail of a T-rex, I froze.
I stared down at the toy in my hand.
Who had I become?
Not long ago, the idea of children terrified me. They were tiny, loud hellions who shouted and screamed. They were gross and dirty and messy.
Now, here I was. I’d taken over seamlessly, feeding them and getting them ready for bed, and now, I was picking up toys. Putting their dirty clothing in the laundry basket.
The scariest part?
It felt completely natural.
Sure, the twins had been scarily well-behaved, but that wasn’t the point.
A part of me…A part of me felt like I belonged here.
I took a deep breath and dropped Mr. T-rex into the toybox. He roared as he collided with a dump truck, but I muffled that by slapping the lid on top of the box.
My mouth was dry. When had I changed from a kid-hater to playing…well, playing mom? When had it happened? Was there a point, or had something changed?
Was it acceptance of feelings for Brantley?
Was it his acknowledgment of feelings for me?
Or had I just fallen so irrevocably in love with two, three-feet-tall pre-schoolers? With tiny hands and sassy grins and dimpled cheeks?
I mean, I hadn’t even thought twice about getting them ready for bed tonight. I’d just done it, like I knew what I was doing, when I didn’t. Not at all. I didn’t know where their pajamas were. I didn’t know where to put that stupid pooping dinosaur book away.
I didn’t know anything.
Except for the fact I was screwed. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Between breaking hearts and healing them.
Maybe even breaking my own.
Shit.
I ran my fingers through my hair. The band from this morning’s braid was around my wrist, and I pulled my hair into a rough, loose twist on top of my head.
I needed a drink. My mouth was so dry I doubted I could speak.
I walked into the kitchen and got some water from the fridge. I drank and drank, stupidly hoping it would calm the rapid beats of my heart.
Kids.
I was in love with two kids who had stolen my heart.
And their dad was doing the same thing.
And now, after this evening, my question wasn’t “could I do it?”
It was, “Am I good enough for this family?”
I didn’t want to ask it. I didn’t want to know the answer.
“Kal—oh, there you are.”
I turned at the sound of his voice.
Regret settled over his expression, and he wiped his hand over his jaw. “I’m so fucking sorry, Kali. What was meant to be a simple phone call turned into an intern fucking up three accounts, and me having to call every man and his mother to get it sorted out again.”
