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“I told you. I couldn’t leave.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It is if I wanted it to be.”
“Kali—”
“I couldn’t leave because I didn’t want to,” I blurted out. I put the coffee mug on the table next to me and steeled myself. “I couldn’t leave if I didn’t get to say goodbye,” I added softly.
He took a deep breath. “Right. So, goodbye?”
I shook my head, dipping my gaze away briefly before swinging it back up to meet his. “No,” I said quietly. “That’s not what I meant. I—I thought about what you said. The other day, in the Coastal. And what I didn’t say and what I should have said—”
He closed the distance between us. His hands cupped my face, and he kissed me right as I hesitated. “I didn’t tell you enough,” he said as I curled my fingers in his shirt. “I didn’t tell you that I don’t just like you. I didn’t tell you that I’m falling in love with you, and I should have. I didn’t tell you—”
This time, the cut-off kiss was mine.
I shut him up.
“I didn’t tell you that I’m falling in love with you,” I echoed. “That I love your kids. That your family turned me from someone who never wanted them to someone who can’t imagine her life without them.”
He took a deep breath.
Pulled back.
Looked me in the eyes.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I whispered. “I will never be good at what you do as a parent. I don’t know if it will ever be natural or right. But, I want to try. I want to try to be enough for them. For you.”
He touched his forehead to mine, smiling as he did it. “Baby, you already are. More than you know.”
I let my eyes flutter shut until he pulled back. “Is it okay? That I won’t be perfect?”
He stared at me for a moment, then used the fingertips that brushed my cheeks to sweep my hair behind my ears. “A few days ago, you looked after them when I didn’t even know what time it is. I don’t exactly have the market on perfect cornered.”
Well…there was that.
“And it doesn’t matter,” he continued quietly. “You’ll fuck up. I fuck up all the time. It’s part of this rollercoaster.”
“But, what if—”
He pressed his finger against my lips and shook his head. “Don’t ask it, Kali. Don’t you dare compare yourself.”
Tears stung the back of my eyes. “How can I not?”
“Listen to me.” His voice was so soft and soothing, and his eyes were so bright and open and raw in their emotion. “You’re different people. Katie will always be their mother, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be who you want to be to them. A part of me will always love her, but that doesn’t mean that the rest of me—all of me—can’t love you. Because, it can. And, I don’t want you to compare yourself. You—God, Kali. You breathe so much life into me,” he whispered, leaning his face down to mine. “Don’t. I want to see you singing into a paintbrush and chasing me around a table until I die laughing.”
I nodded, squeezing back the emotion. “Can I be scared of this?”
“Please do. I’m fucking terrified.”
For some reason, it made me laugh. Knowing he felt the same as me…I don’t know. It flipped a switch, and instead of crying, I burst out laughing, wrapping my arms around his waist.
His slid around me. His body shook with silent laughter, and in that moment, with my soul laid bare, wrapped around him, I knew.
I knew that we’d be okay.
Because, it was just like my mom had said.
I never wanted kids. Not until I met the two who needed me to want them.
And, I’d never wanted to want anyone as much as I did those crazy kids.
“Voom, voom!” Eli shouted, running through the room in a flash of color with his fist raised in the air.
“Ewi!” Ellie clobbered after him, her play shoes smacking against the kitchen as she readjusted the tiara on her head. “How cand I save you if you keep wunning away fromd me?”
I glanced up and met Brantley’s eyes.
They sparkled.
My heart skipped.
“Eli,” I called. “Stay still and let your sister rescue you!”
“Voom voom!” came from under the table.
“Pick your battles,” Brantley mouthed, releasing me so Eli could pop up between us. His masked face jerked between us before he grinned and took off, heading for the stairs.
“Okay,” I replied. “You fight this one, then.”
“That’s not what I meant.” His lips twitched.
“Ewiiiiiiiiiiii!” Ellie cried.
I cradled my coffee with a smirk.
Brantley sighed, strolling out of the kitchen. “Eli!”
Epilogue
One year later
I stared at the party spread in front of me, then down at my stomach.
I looked fat.
Not even pregnant-fat, just fat. The horrible, awkward moment where people would stare at you in the store as they figured it out.
