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Surrender had never been so painfully bittersweet, but I didn’t have any other choice. I would do whatever I had to do to survive.
This wasn’t just sex.
It was my lifeline.
Chapter Two
BLUE
He shut his eyes and drew me into his side.
A hand came to the back of my head, forcing my cheek to his sweaty chest.
“Sleep, Blue,” he commanded.
I remained silent, my body language completely mute with the exception of my racing pulse.
I waited for his breathing to deepen, counting the seconds between my slow burning shame.
I wished he would leave.
My head was pounding and my eyes burned. I swallowed a few times and willed all the self-loathing away.
I’d been going through this since I was seventeen. I knew the drill, but it never lessened the degradation I felt in the end.
It’s over now. You’re okay. I soothed myself with lies, applying temporary balm to wounds that would be torn wide open again tomorrow.
His come was already drying on my thigh. The fact that he pulled out brought me little comfort—not when it wasn’t one hundred percent failproof. It would be just my screwed up luck to wind up pregnant on top of everything else.
Not allowing myself to dwell on what we’d just done for what felt like the hundredth time, I preoccupied my thoughts with the bodies that had been cruelly burned in the yard before I was all but dragged in here.
There was so much blood, so much screaming. And death.
Acts of brutality didn’t shock me anymore. I’d grown desensitized to it in a way that I myself couldn’t understand.
There was emptiness in my chest where empathy was supposed to be. I wasn’t angry or bitter, just comfortably numb. But that was only towards the acts themselves.
The aftermath was always too much for me to handle.
I knew I wasn’t anything like the people I’d been living with the past few weeks.
The Venom were merciless killers. It was a gang made up of men and a few rough-around-the-edges women that had banded together. I swore their sole agenda was to wreak havoc on the weak for entertainment.
I was no saint; I’d taken my fair share of lives and didn’t regret a single last breath I’d witnessed being eradicated from dying lungs. However, all similarities ended there.
I didn’t kill for sport, and I didn’t kill for pleasure. I killed to ensure I
would see another sunrise. On rare occasion, I killed to protect someone else.
Propping my chin in my hand, I studied the man beside me, his dark curls, fresh scruff, and the soft rise and fall of his bare chest. There was a jagged scar on his right side that had healed with the skin slightly raised.
I wanted to hate him. Part of me did for what he’d done to Arlen. But there was a part of me that just..didn’t.
I felt nothing for him, emotionally or even physically. I just couldn’t condemn him for being a vile person when I craved a man who was just as bad.
However, I certainly wouldn’t miss the bastard when he was put six feet under. When it was time for him to pay for all his wrong-doings, I would be one of them who preached he deserved it.
Looking him over, I wondered how he could sleep so soundly when his daily life was anything but peaceful.
