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“Again,” Valerian orders. He’s posted on the far side of the gym, arms crossed and legs spread wide. When Eclipsa hesitates, he repeats, “Again, Eclipsa.”
I flash her a panicked look, and she mouths, sorry, before sending a wave of magic rolling across the mat toward me. Taking a deep breath, I square off to face the churning darkness as it rises, transforming into a hulking troll.
It’s an illusion spell. I know the troll isn’t real. I know it can’t hurt me.
And yet, my mind and body freak out as if it were real. I scream and duck, searching for a weapon. Pleading with them for anything to fight this monster. The troll barrels closer, and I can actually smell its rotten egg stench and feel the mat shake beneath its large, hairy feet.
Sweat pours from my body. I’m terrified, helpless to do anything but watch as it swings its huge, spiky club at my face—
“Enough!” Eclipsa snaps.
I must have closed my eyes, and when I open them, everything is sideways. Oh—that’s because I’m curled in the fetal position on my side, arms hugging my legs, trembling so hard my thigh slaps softly against the padded mat.
Relaxing, I stare up at the ceiling. The troll is gone and once again, I produced no magic.
None. Not even a tiny little whisper of the stuff.
Both Valerian and Eclipsa rush over to help me up, but when Valerian gets close, Eclipsa checks him with her elbow. “She needs space.”
He freezes, his face twisted with emotion. Agony and rage swirl inside his silver eyes as he slowly meets my stare.
It’s been two weeks since Hellebore kidnapped me in front of Valerian and my class. Two agonizing weeks of working every night to coax out my magic. Two weeks of looking into Valerian’s face and seeing his gut-wrenching guilt for not being able to stop Hellebore.
That plus the seething fury buried beneath the shame convinces me that I made the right choice.
If I’d let Hellebore take me to the Spring Court, Valerian would have burned the Everwilde to the ground, no matter the cost.
“It’s okay, Eclipsa,” I protest, even though my heart still races and my body is weak from doing this same thing for the last four hours. A nightmarish, never-ending game called let’s-scare-Summer-until-she-uses-magic or pees her pants.
My sanity isn’t the only victim. The nights after training that were supposed to go toward operation-get-to-know-Valerian are now horror-filled scenarios that leave me sweaty and shaking.
Not exactly how I envisioned getting to know Valerian better.
But Eclipsa’s wrong. I don’t blame Valerian for trying to help me control my powers. Control means I can keep my identity safe and—if needed—can protect myself from psychopaths like Inara and Hellebore.
I’m just convinced it’s a waste of time. I’m broken. My mortal body unable to harness the power tethered to my soulstone.
They’ve tried everything. Orcs. Lycans. Trolls. I even agreed to using the spider creatures from my hallucination, which ended disastrously with me dry-heaving on the ground.
At this point, I’d let Eclipsa conjure Satan himself if it helped draw out my magic so I can learn how to control it.
Valerian’s hand is cool as he pulls me to a stand. “I’m sorry, Princess. I—” Frowning, he looks away. “It’s well past midnight. We’ll try again next session.”
“No,” I protest, willing my legs to stop shaking. “I want to go again.”
“Not happening.” His voice is gentle now, like I might break apart any second, and that’s almost worse than his frustration. “You need to rest.”
“Prince,” Eclipsa says, toying with the pigtail braid over her left shoulder. “There’s something I want to try with her . . . alone.”
“We’ve pushed her too hard already.” “Trust me.”
He stiffens, prepared to argue, but she holds up a hand. “We have no idea how the bond between you is affecting everything. Perhaps if you’re not right here . . .”
Her voice trails away, but I can see her implication take hold in his face. His mouth softens, and he looks at me. “Okay, but I’m leaving Phalanx.”
He jerks his chin at the huge snowy white owl sitting on the railing above, watching us with those sentient amber eyes. I have no idea how lethal his owl familiar is, but considering how much Valerian trusts Phalanx to watch me, I’d say very.
“I’m fully capable of defending her,” Eclipsa assures him. “As you’re well aware.”
