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My throat tightens. My chest hurts. I suck in a breath, fighting the sudden ache of disappointment that fills me. “Why can’t you say it?”
“Why can’t you just let it go?”
“Because I’m human. A silly, irrational human and I need love. I need it professed from the rooftops. I need it whispered to me in bed for no reason at all.”
He frowns, unable to mask the hurt in his face. “What I’m offering you is better, Summer. It’s a guarantee that I will never hurt you.”
“But you are hurting me right now.”
His hand drops from my back. He retreats an inch. “What you ask . . . it’s too much.”
I swallow, clearing the emotion from my throat. I feel like my words are twisting, coming out wrong. “So you’ll never be able to love me?” He goes to answer, but I interrupt. “Truth.”
Silence. I can see him struggling with what I’m asking. “What would you like to know? That I think love is a poison disguised as a cure? That humans are fools for believing in it? That my mother once said those very words and I would rather cut out my own tongue than utter them?”
I flinch from the bitterness in his voice. The pain. “Here’s my truth. I think what you feel for me scares you. I think it terrifies you. So you rely on a bond of magic rather than risk opening your heart to me.”
His silence scares me. Infuriates me. I can see him building a wall between us as real as if it were mortar and brick.
In my desperation, I try to shatter it. “The truth is, I think you’re a coward. Afraid to love me. And if that’s true . . . you don’t deserve me.”
His face closes off, and I know—I just know I’ve lost him. He dons the cruel, impenetrable mask from the first time I saw him. “I think it’s clear that I can never give you what you desire.”
Words lodge in my throat. Words I imagine saying but can’t quite utter. Wait. That came out wrong. I don’t want us to end this way.
But maybe he isn’t a coward. Maybe he’s the brave one for finally saying what we both know.
Valerian Sylverfrost will never be able to look me in the eyes and say, “I love you.” And perhaps that shouldn’t be important. Perhaps what he offered me should be enough.
But it isn’t. It never will be.
Laughter and whispering remind me that we’re front and center, on display for everyone. I look around at all the Evermore watching us. A few take videos with their phones.
Tears prick the corners of my eyes.
No. I will not give them the satisfaction.
Wiping my nose on my forearm, I dart away from Valerian and through the tangle of Evermore. Some grab at my dress. My hair. They call me horrible names. Laugh at me.
Inara and the new Six sneer as I race past, leaving a trail of dandelion heads floating in the air.
Her hate-filled look promises retribution for Valerian’s slight.
Part of me is relieved that he doesn’t go after me. But that’s when it really hits that we’re over. This, us, the whole mate thing, whatever we wanted to call it.
It wasn’t enough to make him trust me.
To love me.
When I reach the stone walkway that tunnels beneath the main hall to the other side, I let the tears fall. Let the rush of my emotions from everything that’s happened over the school year flood me until I’m choking with quiet sobs.
This entire year can go straight to hell.
Sniffling, I enter the dim tunnel. The sounds of revelry and laughter echo off the walls, growing quieter the farther I press into the darkness.
I quicken my pace. There’s no lanterns to chase back the shadows. Only the meager light from a lamppost on the main lawn in the distance. It’s yellow glow glistens off the stone walls as I near the end.
A stairwell opens up on my right. It’s layered in shadows. On instinct, I press against the wall, recoiling from what I cannot see—but feel. The prickle against my skin that means I’m being watched.
