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Crap. I’d hurt him.
Dastien stepped toward me but this was all too much. I dropped heavily to the ground and hugged my knees to my chest. I knew what they said was true, but the whole processing it thing was too much. I closed my eyes to think. Was he really my mate?
I’d been fighting my feelings for him. But why? I knew I wanted him. I knew it since I touched that paper in my father’s office. But he kept pushing me away, and I kept pushing him away.
It had to end. I couldn’t deny it. Especially not if I was going to slug Meredith over it.
A hand brushed my hair away from my face, but I kept my eyes shut. “Mon cherie, please. Open your eyes.”
“Okay. I give up.” I swallowed, and opened them. He was sitting cross-legged in front of me.
“We’re not normal,” he said finally.
I laughed. “You can say that again.”
He smiled, and his dimples showed. “We’re not normal. We never were. I spent a long time feeling not quite whole. And then I saw you and something clicked.” He ran his hand down my cheek and I leaned into it. “Believe me, I would love to do this over. To start again and do it the right way. Take you on some dates. Get to know you better. Slower. I lost control for a second and I didn’t even know what happened until it was done. I think the wolf knew that I wouldn’t turn you. I would never take the risk of you not surviving the transformation. But what’s done is done. Give me a chance.”
“I’m not the only one who keeps running away.”
He sighed. “I was trying to give you time to adjust. Everyone demanded that I give you time.”
He was too far away. I wanted to be closer, so I just went with the feeling. I closed the space between us, sitting on his lap, and wrapped my arms and legs around him. I rested my head on his shoulder. “I think it’s only making the whole thing harder for me,” I whispered into his ear. “I feel lost and confused when you walk away. Angry. Hurt. I don’t like it. I’m having enough of a hard time with the whole werewolf thing to also figure out a messed up relationship too.”
It didn’t take long for him to squeeze me tight. He scented my neck and placed a soft kiss on it.
“I’m sorry that you’re stuck with me, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I swear,” he whispered. He let go, leaning back to see my face. “Okay?”
I nodded. “Okay.” I startled at the sound of a throat clearing. “I forgot we weren’t alone.”
“Unfortunately not alone,” Dastien said.
“Girl talk,” Meredith mouthed when I met her gaze. “Do you want to go early to dinner?” Meredith asked aloud.
My stomach answered for me. “That would be amazing,” I said.
“We’ll stay here and help Dastien clean up,” Chris said.
Dastien stood with me still attached. I dropped down to the ground and turned to go, but Dastien grabbed my hand. I pulled him down to me for a kiss. It was soft and quick, but still burned me all the way to my toes.
“Later,” Meredith said as she pulled me away from Dastien.
We walked to the cafeteria. It was thankfully mostly empty, except for the workers who were busy setting out food for dinner. Most people were probably in the common rooms playing games or watching TV. We filled our plates and sat down.
“You’re pretty quiet,” Meredith said.
“It’s a lot to take in. Did I just give into him?”
“Yup,” she said. “But don’t freak. You’ve got time. Even if Chris and I are right about what’s going on. Doesn’t mean anything has to change right now.”
I let that sink in while I picked at my mountain of mashed potatoes. “It’s not that. I feel like I’ve known him forever but he’s still new. Like I’ve known that he was mine since I first saw him, even if I didn’t really realize what that connection was or any idea of what it meant. It’s a lot to get used to. Plus, all the rest of the stuff is throwing me off.” I motioned down to the food. “Like this. I have to eat a shit-ton just to stay in control.”
“It’ll get better.”
I snorted. “That’s what everyone keeps saying.”
“They’re saying it because it’s true.”
I knew it would, but that didn’t mean there wouldn’t be more than a few bumps in the road. Things were better with Dastien, but he’d mess up and I’d mess up as we figured it out. Once word got around, it’d be hell to pay with Shannon and Imogene. And that didn’t even begin to count the whole vampire thing. And Mr. Hoel thing.
