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I’d burned myself out with the fire, and now all that was left was a charred bit of coal where my soul used to be.
I looked to Eli. “Keep your promise.” The words were hollow and my soul was gone, but he would do this for me. He said he would.
“I will do as you ask.” He reached for me before thinking better of it. “This could not be what was intended. I don’t always know the plan, but I would’ve stopped it if I’d known. Please believe me. I can’t fix it, but I will do whatever it takes to make it better.”
I looked at the ground. “It doesn’t matter.” Because nothing mattered. Not anymore. If Chris was gone, then nothing mattered.
I felt Van’s arm come around me. The world twisted and tumbled and then I was in my suite at the Lunar Court. I heard him ask if I wanted a bath, but I didn’t care about that.
His voice sounded a mile away as he offered me food. Cakes. My favorite treat. But I wasn’t hungry.
Water?
No. Where I was, I didn’t need water. It was just me and the whooshing sound of my breath in my empty head.
My empty heart.
My empty soul.
I felt him tuck me into bed, but all I could see was a blurry, tear-stained version of the world, and when he turned out the light, even that was gone.
And I was left with nothing.
Nothing but emptiness and pain and heartache that I was sure would kill me. That I hoped would kill me.
When the sobbing started up again, I didn’t even try to stop it, because that would’ve been impossible.
Because Chris was dead. And even if I was still breathing, I was dead, too.
Chapter Nineteen
COSETTE
A light came on, but I didn’t see anything.
A voice in the silence, but I didn’t hear.
Questions were asked but I didn’t care about the answers. It didn’t matter. Didn’t they understand that I didn’t care?
I rolled in my bed, throwing the covers over my head.
“Cosette, please,” Van said. “Did you hear anything that I said?”
“No. Go away. Leave me be like you did in Gales. Run off to my mother.”
I felt his hand on my shoulder and I shook it off.
He let out a long sigh. “I had to do something before you killed everyone. Chris was already dead, and whether you want to see it or not, there are innocent, good fey in Gales.”
“Leave. Me. Now. Or I will burn you, too.” And I meant it. He’d fetched my mother, and I wouldn’t forget that.
“I’ll leave, but your mother has ordered us to get married tomorrow morning.”
“Fine.” What did it matter?
“Fine?”
The mattress dipped as Van sat, and I scooted to the opposite edge, not wanting to be near him.
