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l keep going.” He pressed his forehead against mine again. “Okay?”
I wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, but the frozen fog in my head was lighter, and I had a purpose. I liked having a purpose. “Okay.”
He closed his eyes and bowed his head for a minute before letting out a long breath. “Thank you.” He opened his eyes and grabbed my hands. “I know how hard it’s going to be to get up right now. To get through today and tomorrow and the next week. But I need you to get up and walk over there. Do this one thing, so that we can move on to the next. Day by day. Minute by minute. I will get you through this. I always have, and I need you to trust me one more time.”
I nodded, unable to use my voice as the tears just kept coming. I’d never cried so much. It seemed like it should stop—that I should run out of water or grief—but I didn’t.
Van stood, pulled me to my feet, and with one arm wrapped around my shoulders, he walked me up to the altar.
I would do this. I could do this. Because once I did, I would get revenge for Chris. Revenge against Gales. Revenge against my manipulative mother. And then…
And then…
And then I don’t know what would happen, but I’d deal with that later.
Chapter Twenty-One
CHRIS
The light was warm and full of love and I wanted to relax, but I couldn’t. I needed to go back. Cosette was hurting. I could feel her heart bleeding as it shattered for me down the fragmented bond. I wasn’t sure why it was still there, but it was making her pain worse and keeping me grounded. I couldn’t move on until it was really gone, but I didn’t want to let it go. Maybe that was our problem. Maybe I was the problem.
I was floating in the light, and I wasn’t sure which way was up or where I was going or what was happening. But eventually, I started to see some differentiation in the light. Walls appeared. I could only tell because of the slight shadows in the corners. And then I felt myself moving, floating down, and my feet gently touched the floor.
It was also white. I couldn’t see a ceiling above me. Just an expanse of white.
I looked around, but I was alone. I couldn’t just stand there like an idiot, so I started walking.
“Hello?” I yelled into the white-light void.
I’d thought that someone would be here waiting for me. That’s what they said, although who they were and how the hell they’d know anything was beyond me.
Although, when I thought about dying, I always pictured myself going down the pit. Down, down, down until I was with Astaroth. And there, I’d see my pack.
But this wasn’t Hell. Not sure if it was Heaven though. I wasn’t sure what it was, but at least it wasn’t Hell. No fires or brimstone or sulfur. I was taking that as a win.
I took a breath, and let it out slowly.
Okay. Not Hell. Possibly Heaven or something else?
I needed to talk to someone. I couldn’t be here alone forever. “Hello?”
“Christopher Matthews. Mate to Cosette Argent.” The bodiless voice seemed to come from all around me.
“Yes.”
“What do you have to say for your life?”
My life? That felt pretty vague. What was I supposed to say? “My life was actually mostly shitty. The pack I was born into was evil. They nearly killed me, multiple times, but I survived and they didn’t. I eventually found friends. Had about a minute of fun before I started killing vampires and demons. Met my mate, and was ripped from her before we could cement the bond. Actually, I’d really like to go back. If I can. I know…I know that’s probably pretty impossible, but I have to ask. I’ve seen a lot of crazy things in my life, and I can’t rule it out.” I sighed. “Can I go back? To my mate?”
I waited but the voice didn’t come again.
“Hello?”
Damn it.
“I just want to go the fuck home already…” I muttered to myself mostly, but still, whoever was talking to me could probably hear anyway.
Shit.
