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I’d thought he was even older than that, but living through that kind of torture aged a person. “A little old for St. Ailbe’s, don’t you think?”
“Aren’t you, too?”
“Yes, but I’m not actually going there. I’ve been spying on the coven.”
“Okay. Sure.” He scooted away from the wall just a little bit, so that we were almost sitting face to face. “After Adrian found me in the woods, we became close. His Alpha was actually really great. He got me on my feet, and didn’t make me join the pack—which is really unusual, but I think he knew I would’ve run if he’d pressed it.”
He was quiet for a second, and I was scared that he wasn’t going to finish. But if I rushed him, I knew he’d shut down with some joke.
“When Adrian was heading to school that fall, he told me to come with him. He said that I was kept ignorant of what being part of a pack meant and it was time that I learned. I hadn’t joined his pack—still haven’t—but he said that I’d get better if I was at St. Ailbe’s and if I could see a regular therapist that they’d bring in… Honestly, I don’t know why I agreed, but I was so lost, I think I would’ve done anything he told me to. I trusted him, and you know what—he was right. Being at this school, I feel like I’m finally learning about what I am. Sometimes it makes me sad about how I was raised, but mostly, thankful that I survived.”
Honestly, it was a miracle that he’d survived and not just survived but managed to be healthy—physically and mentally. And then to be able to fight against evil like he was…
Chris was amazingly strong. In that moment, I was so proud of him and his courage that it was almost bursting from me. But I knew if I showed it, then he’d tell me he wasn’t courageous or anything to be proud of, so I covered up all those feelings.
Instead of giving him any compliments, I nudged his leg with my foot. “Didn’t I hear that you kissed Tessa?”
His cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink. “I know. Stupid.”
“You’re ten years older than her.” I tried to jerk my hand from his, but he held on.
“Yeah, but you’re a hundred and twenty-something years older than me and I’d still make out with you.” He ran his thumb over the back of my hand.
A surprised laugh slipped free. He always managed to make me laugh when I wasn’t expecting it.
“And I…I don’t feel my age. I spent most of my childhood locked up or fighting for my life or healing from the latest beating. I’m still a teenager in a lot of ways. At least that’s what my therapist says. Sometimes I feel like a kid, but some days I feel old and tired. You know?”
“Yes.” Oh, God, I knew. I’d never had a childhood—not when politics and assassins and power plays were a part of my daily life. Most days of my life I felt like a physical weight was dragging me into the ground.
I’d left court over fifty years ago to spy, but there was a sinking in my stomach that told me I was about to be sucked back into that house of horrors any day now. I hoped that wiping the policemen’s minds would make it go away, but the feeling was still there. All I wanted was the freedom to live
“Anyhow. I probably shouldn’t have kissed her, but you know what’s crazy?”
“What?”
He leaned closer to me. “When I heard that Michael let a bitten werewolf live—and stay—at St. Ailbe’s, I kept a close watch on her. My pack was all bitten wolves and they were twisted. Sick. Really fucking evil.”
Oh no. He didn’t really think that Tessa would end up like them, did he? “I remember, but she’s not like them.”
“No. But I didn’t know that at first. I didn’t understand Michael’s decision to let her live.” He shook his head. “And then she tried to run away, and I was like…here we go again.”
Chris ran his free hand down his face. Usually he tried to laugh off or flirt away his anxiety, but I saw it.
He took a shaky breath. “Anyway, I caught her before she could get away. Never moved so fast in my life. I made some stupid joke, but I couldn’t let her leave. Not until I knew if she needed to be killed. Those first few days she would forget to eat, and I’d make her a sandwich, but what I really wanted to do was make sure that she had the tools to survive and the people around her that would help her learn to deal with her wolf. I kissed her because I saw that strength in her, and I thought she was going to be okay and that maybe because of who I was and what I’d grown up with…maybe she was the reason I’d lived through all that. So that I could be with her and help her not turn into one of them. Everyone at St. Ailbe’s is so hyperfocused on finding a mate, and for the first time I saw the logic in it. Tessa and I somehow made sense in my mind.”
He was so sweet. I understood why he’d done it, and it did make sense, but that’s not how things worked. If he was looking for a reason behind his childhood, I wasn’t sure he’d ever find it.
Children are innocent, and sometimes born into the worst situations, but as we grow up, it’s up to each and every one of us to face every day with courage, put our painful past behind us, and work hard to grow better, every day in every way.
Chris was doing that, even if he couldn’t see it in himself.
“It sounds so stupid now… But when Tessa ripped open Imogen’s throat, I was worried that she was going downhill. And when she refused to shift… That was scary. That’s what will break someone’s mind. But Dastien was who she needed. I’m just really thankful it all turned out okay.”
“Me, too.” They were true mates, and that was special. I was happy for them on days I wasn’t jealous of what they had. “I have a question, but I don’t want to upset you.”
“Ask.” He tugged my hand gently. “I don’t mind, even if it upsets me. I owe you my life.”
“You don’t owe me anything.” But I still had more questions. “Do you know what happened to the town? To the huma
