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I blinked my eyes open again to find Van crouched next to my low bed. My vision was still blurry and I couldn’t make much out beyond his face in the low candlelight.
“That’s a new record.” I was making a joke, but it was actually terrifying that someone—probably multiple someones—wanted me dead so badly.
“Indeed.” He didn’t have a hint of a smile, even after my lame joke.
“How long was I out?” If it was a few minutes, the poison wasn’t that bad. If longer, then…
“Two hours and six minutes. I healed you relatively quickly, but you were sleeping soundly and I didn’t want to wake you. Better to let you come to naturally.”
I reached out and grabbed his hand. That tiny movement made the room spin and my head pound louder. I could hardly think it was so bad.
Two hours was a long time, which meant I must’ve been pretty close to dead. No wonder Van was being serious. He’d saved my life again. “I appreciate you so much.”
Van squeezed my hand back. “And I you. Gave me a scare. Let’s not do that again.”
“No.” I massaged my temples. “God, Van. Why does it still hurt?”
“I don’t like that at all. It shouldn’t be, after…but I think I can fix that.” Van reached out, placing his hand on my forehead.
Within a second of his hand touching me, the pain started to recede, and I could finally think about something other than how bad my head hurt.
And then all at once my heart dropped to my feet, my body felt cold, and I knew that something was very, very wrong. Because he couldn’t be here. It was too dangerous and I already had so much on the line…I couldn’t do what I had to do if he was here.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Please don’t let him be here. Please don’t let him be here. God can’t be this cruel. “Chris?”
“I’m here.” His raspy voice came from behind me.
Damn it. Why couldn’t just one thing be easy for me?
I finally looked up at the room. It was typical Gales. Mattress on the floor, surrounded by pillows. Bookcases filled with books—because they were seriously antitech here. No TV. No Wi-Fi. Not for guests. Only candles lit the room, but even in the dim, flickering light, I could now make out the riot of colors.
And there was Chris, leaning against the wall by the stone slab door. Arms crossed. All signs of joking gone. But he was still beautiful. Even more beautiful than the picture inside my locket.
No. Damn it all. “But why? Why are you here?”
He stepped away from the wall. “Eli—”
“Screw, Eli. Leave. Go back to Texas. I can’t…” I looked at Van, and the tears came. “I can’t do this with him here. I can’t do it. Having him here is going to get me killed.”
“What’s going on? Why are you here? What were you talking to that man about?” His voice was insistent and determined, but I knew that when I answered his questions, it was going to break something inside him just like it’d broken me.
After everything he’d been through, I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t think I could get the words out. But I had to tell him.
This was the one time I couldn’t talk in circles. Not to him. Not about this. I had to say the plain words, even if it would hurt me just as much to say them as I knew it would hurt him to hear them.
“I’m here to find a husband.”
His face grew pale. “What?”
“After everything we did…after the spell Eli did…my people…” I turned to Van.
This had nothing to do with Ziriel or his court so I was free to tell him what I wanted. My mother hadn’t restricted me on this subject like she loved to do. Finally, I could actually tell Chris what was going on in my life, but I still couldn’t say the words. “God. Where do I even start? How can I explain this shit position that I’m in?”
The pity on Van’s face made bile rise, burning the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down. I just wanted him to say the words so I didn’t have to. Maybe that made me weak or a coward, but I knew Van could do this for me.
“Our people like to test each other.” Van stood, facing Chris. “See who is weak. If they’re easily killed then they aren’t worthy of their spot in the court. Cosette is a bit of a mystery because she’s so high up—a princess in the strongest fey court—but also because of who her father is.”
I hated that I was a mystery. After all these years, my court still didn’t respect me. They couldn’t stop testing me, even though I’d proven myself worthy countless times. But it was all because of my father. I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes, letting Van do all the hard work this time.
