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“Then give me one of yours. That’s all I need.”
He made it sound so simple, and I would do that if I could. I’d give him every single one, but my hands were tied. “I can’t just hand them over, no matter how much I want to. It’s our law. We’d have to strike a deal in order for me to give you one.”
“So, we strike a deal.” He took another step toward me. “I’m sure I’d be okay doing whatever you want in exchange.”
He was joking, but this wasn’t funny. I couldn’t help him. Not with this. “No.” My voice was firm and cold. I wasn’t going to budge on this, and he had to know that.
“Why not?” He sounded hurt.
I was explaining this badly. “Because my—”
Van entered the room. “I sent Pratis to stall Ziriel, but he knows some of his guards are dead. We have a little bit of time, but not much.”
“Why not?” Chris asked, ignoring Van’s warning. “Why can’t you give me some of your bargains?”
Shit. No one knew this but me and my mother. Not even Van. And if Ziriel found out, it’d be spread across all the courts, and no one would ever trust me again. “Because my mother owns first rights to all my bargains. If I make a deal with you, she has to decide if she wants it or not, and only if she doesn’t, then I can have it.”
“No.” Van stepped toward me, his look of outrage almost comical. “Even Helen wouldn’t do something like that to her own daughter.”
“Yes, she did.” I’d kept this from Van for so long because I knew it would make him hate my mother even more than he already did.
“I don’t understand,” Chris said. “Why are you so upset?”
“I’m more than upset…” Van’s tone was nothing less than fuming mad. “Because every bargain takes a little slice of the soul from each side who makes it. The slice doesn’t hurt you—fine—but as the bargain maker—you have that bit of your soul missing while you wait for it to be completed. But she doesn’t own the bargain?” He turned to Cosette. “Do you?”
“No.” This was going about as terrible as I thought it would.
“And she’s also not fulfilling what I guess would be your half of the contract?”
“No. That’s up to me.”
“So, your soul is tied up in it, and you risk your life doing whatever task you had to do and your mother gets the favor owed!” His face was turning red as he yelled.
This was not good. “Van. Calm down.”
“You were never allowed to keep them? Not any of them? All those years?”
“Some.” I shrugged, trying to play it off as not a big deal, but it was. I knew Van was right. “I got to keep the ones she didn’t want.”
“So, Helen gains everything—bargains from all over the fey courts and mortal realms—while losing nothing. Risking nothing. While you risked your soul and your life.” He clenched his mouth shut so tight, it was a wonder he didn’t crack his teeth.
“You were wrong not to tell me,” he said after a moment. “I would’ve put a stop to it. It’s…It’s…I have no words for what that is.”
“Evil comes to mind.” Chris reached out to me.
I stepped back. I really, really didn’t want to get into this right now.
“Is your mother evil?” Chris asked.
“I don’t know. My mother would do a lot of things that I would never consider doing, and many of them aren’t nice.” It would make things so much easier if I could just hand a few chips over to Chris, but that wasn’t how it worked. Not for me.
“Mother made the bargains the price of my freedom years ago. I understood what it meant—so don’t get too bent out of shape—but I was desperate.” I laughed and it was a sad, frustrated noise, because I felt even more desperate right now than I did all those years ago. Nothing good would ever come from that particular emotion.
I started pacing again, running my hand down my face, hoping to somehow find patience to explain this to the two most important men in my life. “The deal was that I’d spy for her, but any favors I gained and any information I learned, she would own first. It seemed like a fair price for my freedom.” I kept pace, adding in waving my hands around, and I was sure I looked half-crazed, but the pieces were coming together. I couldn’t stop moving until I had a clearer picture.
“Yes, I have bargains in my possession. I keep them until I’ve fulfilled my half of each, then she collects. But I can’t use any of them unless I want to face her wrath. Which I don’t. And the few that she rejected… I’ve used nearly all of them the last few weeks.”
“Why?” Chris glanced between me and Van, waiting for the answer.
