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My eyes were heavy. It’d been a hellish few weeks and I hadn’t slept much, but now Chris was here, and I couldn’t help but sink into him. I tucked my face into his neck and felt his hum of approval, and for one moment, I let myself relax. I let myself believe that maybe this dream could be real. I let myself enjoy just being alive for one second. Because it could be ripped from my hands so easily.
So I held on, and as I drifted off to sleep, I prayed that this would last.
Chapter Fifteen
CHRIS
I loved the scent of Cosette. The weight of her in my arms. Her breath on my neck. I didn’t mind carrying her. She wasn’t heavy, and for once in my life, I prayed that this would last. That this one little bit of happiness was something I could keep.
I’d never felt this happy before, and I didn’t want anything to change. I knew it would. There was always something coming. The only way I survived my childhood was learning how to take every day as it came.
This one would pass, and I hoped I’d get another with her.
Tomorrow would pass, and I’d hope for one more.
And one more.
And one more, until we could finally find our happy, safe haven.
I didn’t even think I’d ever get this much. So, instead of being afraid of losing everything, I was going to be thankful for what I had.
It’d been a long time since I’d walked this trail, although trail was now a very loose term. I tried to keep the overgrown branches away from Cosette. Her breathing had leveled out and she was asleep.
It was crazy that she’d lived three weeks in time and I’d lived two and had just seen her again yesterday morning. It didn’t surprise me that she’d passed out. She was thinner than I remembered and felt too light in my arms.
With each step, the ground gave a barely there crunch, and I let the steady, even pace lull me. As my mind calmed, the memory rose of that night after the fight where we shoved Astaroth back to Hell—two nights ago for me, three weeks ago for Cosette. It was after the fight, after helping the injured and caring for the dead, after the cleanup that always lasted so much longer than the fight itself. I was lying in my bed at St. Ailbe’s trying to sleep, but still so wound up, when…
The door to my room creaked as it opened slowly. A sliver of light cut through the darkness. If I’d had any energy, I would’ve gotten up, but I knew who it was.
Cosette.
I knew she’d eventually come see me tonight. She’d been finding her way into my room more and more. It was funny. I thought the guys in the dorm would say something, but no one had. It helped that the campus was mostly empty these days, but still, it seemed like only Tessa had noticed what was going on between us.
I moved over a little, giving her just enough room but still needing to touch her. Our sides pressed together as we lay flat on our backs.
“When do you leave?” I asked her.
I didn’t want to know, but I had to. The battle was over and done. Evil lost. We won. Which meant that Cosette was going home, but I hoped we had at least a few days together. Even if it was a slow, special torture to be around her. To be so close to her and want her so badly, but not be able to do anything about it.
“I’m not sure when I’m going back yet.” She let out a soft sigh. “I want my mother to give me some time to see what this new council thing is, but I’m not exactly hopeful. She didn’t want me to come back at all, and once she finds out what I did here, I think she might be even angrier at me.”
“Why?” She hadn’t done anything wrong by helping save the world from a horde of demons. How could her mother be mad?
“Because I already had enough power. If tying ourselves to Eli gives me any more, my life will get…difficult.”
There were so many different things ‘difficult’ could mean. “Are you safe there?” That was the most important thing.
“Probably as safe as you were with your old pack.”
Which meant she wasn’t safe at all. But she’d been surviving at court much longer than I’d been alive. She was good at taking care of herself, but that didn’t mean I felt okay with her going back without me.
Without looking, I found her hand with mine. “If I could go with you—”
“I know.”
She rolled onto her side, and I did the same.
That’s why we couldn’t be together. I could never go with her, and she deserved to have someone that could stay by her side—defend her—no matter where she was. No matter what happened, I would never be that person.
