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“Fair enough.”
“Okay, then.”
“Are you ever going to marry Evelyn?”
He looked relieved that it wasn’t another question about Mama or her family. “No, Saundra.”
“Why not?”
“It’s a long story.”
I was truly bewildered. “A long story? But you two are still together. If she has done wrong, why are you still in the relationship?”
Daddy closed his eyes, then opened them. “I’ll tell you all about it someday, but not before you graduate and get married.”
He held up a hand for me to be quiet and then kept on talking. “Just for the record, the only thing Evelyn has ever done wrong is to bring up the idea of getting your mother’s family
together in this house.”
Not knowing what else to do, I stared at the television screen like it held the answer to the Dead Sea Scrolls.
“How do you think Asha would feel at a party like that? I mean, at least you had me to take care of all your needs. The poor girl worked two fast food jobs to keep that dinky apartment together. Lola’s people wouldn’t help her at all. If I hadn’t sent her money, she would have suffered even more. Asha probably doesn’t want to mix with them any more than I do.”
“Forget it, Daddy.”
“Asha has always had it harder than you. I used to tell Lola that she leaned on Asha too much . . . always confiding in that girl about her troubles . . . it isn’t right to burden a young person with adult problems that they don’t know how to solve.”
I had always known that Mama shared her problems with Asha. Maybe because Asha was the spitting image of her. Maybe because Asha was the eldest. No one would ever really know why and the conversation was beginning to depress me in a real big way.
“Let’s watch the show, Daddy.”
He patted my shoulder and sighed loudly. “I’d walk on hot coals for you, Saundra. If you want a family reunion here, just name the date. All right?”
My words inched their way out through gritted teeth. “I said, forget it.”
Chapter 11
PHIL
As soon as Saundra spat out the words “forget it” for the second time, I climbed out of the Laz-E-Boy, went over to the wet bar, which I’d installed right after buying the house, and poured half a glass of whiskey; I drank it straight down.
“Don’t you want to know why I never married Lola?”
“I already know the answer to that, Daddy.”
“You do?” I struggled to look straight at Saundra but my eyes just wouldn’t focus on that section of the room. They grew so wide with fear that it seemed I could actually see everything in the house from the finished basement to the socks upstairs in my underwear drawer. I poured another cup of courage and drank it before daring to look toward Saundra again. Her face seemed blurry and indistinct. I couldn’t determine whether she looked angry or triumphant. I had known this day would come but it wasn’t supposed to be like this—the revelation was to have been mine to control. How was I supposed to explain the years of dishonesty?
The liquor was making the heat from my sweatsuit unbearable. My sweat socks felt like snug ninety-degree heaters. I strained to see her body language through the whiskey haze. She didn’t seem tense at all. In fact, her wrist moved languidly as she clicked the remote control, surfing for another program. I opened my mouth to tell her the history behind my lies but something, perhaps the instinct of a cop, told me to just keep my mouth shut for just one more second.
It was regrettable, I thought, that Lola had up and died just as I was beginning to live. It was also a shame that I came from a long line of men who did not walk away from their children. If I had been able to let go of Saundra, she wouldn’t be suffering through what must be unimaginable pain right now. I watched her stare at the television screen as though our relationship had not just changed forever. That was Patterson blood at work. Lola would have been crying, cursing, scratching my face and threatening to shoot me with my own gun. She had never been able to look disappointment in the eye, square her shoulders and soldier on as her daughter was doing right now. Lola had had a bad habit of taking on people and projects that any sane person would have run away from. Then, when they didn’t work out, she was not able to take responsibility for her poor choices. Oh, no! She would whine about being born under an unlucky star, cursed by fate and other endless nonsense that simply drove me crazy. Then, when that crisis had passed, Lola would go find another stupid-ass situation to get involved in and the wheel started to turn all over again.
I was proud of Saundra. So proud that I put the cap back on the whiskey bottle, screwed it on tight and placed it back in the cabinet. Then, with a smile so wide that every tooth in my mouth was showing, I crossed the room and grabbed both of Saundra’s hands. I kissed her once on each cheek. “I should have known that you, of all people, would be in my corner. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”
Saundra patted my shoulder. “I’ve known for a long time why you didn’t ask Mom to marry you, but don’t worry, Daddy. There are plenty of things you can work on before you ruin things with Evelyn.”
I blinked twice. “Honey, it isn’t a disease. I can’t just take a pill and make it go away.”
She laughed softly. “Sure you can. Twenty years ago it was different, but now doctors know how to treat people who suffer from commitment phobia. The success rate is quite high.”
