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I pressed the palm of my hand against my forehead, murmuring, “commitment phobia.” I sank back down into the La-Z-Boy recliner, my shoulders slumped forward. My eyes found their way to the television but they didn’t see a goddamned thing.
Chapter 12
EVELYN
It was early in the morning when Phil called to tell me off about encouraging Saundra to invite her mother’s family over for an engagement party. I had strapped on my gun and checked to make sure I had handcuffs. Then I set my navy blue policewoman’s cap just right on top of my locks when the phone rang. In the six years that Phil and I have known each other, we may have had two disagreements so his nasty attitude really caught me by surprise. I sat down on my bed and imagined that I was protected from his coldness by a warm yellow ball of light that was encircling my body. I imagined that the ball of light was impenetrable. That it couldn’t be pierced by bullets, fists, or words. With the light protecting me, I was able to remain unafraid and, therefore, calm.
“Why couldn’t you talk to me about this before mentioning it to Saundra?” he asked.
“You’ve never asked me to clear anything with you before talking to Saundra,” I said.
“Didn’t I tell you that Saundra is the product of a one-night stand? That I never really dated Lola Smith? That the so-called relationship we had was just Lola’s imagination working overtime?”
“Yes.”
“Then what could I possibly say to the Smith family? Tell me that, Evelyn.”
The yellow light cracked a little because the first time I got married it was to a very nice boy of eighteen. We were the same age. I was pregnant. Dad had been dead eight years and Mama was working long hours as a nurses’ aid. Jerry Turner and I loved each other, but while planning for the wedding, our families bickered so much that we just ran down to city hall and came back hitched. They had a fit! On top of that, it turned out that mine was a tubal pregnancy. I lost the embryo and almost died in the process.
“Phil, I just didn’t want the kids to have any discord at their wedding.”
“Well, just don’t say any more about it.”
“Okay.”
“You’re mad now, right?”
“No, Phil. I’m not angry. I seem to be keeping my mouth shut about a lot of things these days.” Now where did that come from?
“What is that supposed to mean?”
There was silence between us and I had to come clean before it became just too uncomfortable.
“It means that I’d like to have an engagement ring, Phil.”
His voice softened. “Look, sweetheart. Just let me march my daughter down the aisle first. Okay?”
I couldn’t understand why I had to wait so long just to get a preliminary ring on my finger but the yellow light of protection had faded. I was vulnerable.
“Sure, Phil. Whatever you say.”
Chapter 13
ASHA
Clinique Superdefense Triple Action Moisturizer SPF25 was the only scent on my skin as I slipped into a black leotard, matching jeans, and a pair of Prada loafers to prepare for my next hotel rendezvous with Brent. The only fancy item I planned to take was a black Dolce & Gabbana snakeskin bag with a zodiac buckle that Nick had bought for me.
“Meet me tonight at the Sherry Netherland,” he had whispered into my phone at work.
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We never met at the same hotel twice. The poor fool honestly believed that this would keep Amanda from finding out about his affair. Why hasn’t someone told him just how resourceful a suspicious wife or girlfriend can be? Is he crazy? We can track a brother’s movements like a bloodhound chasing an escaped slave. But I didn’t care enough about Brent to share this basic fact with him. Besides, he is a forty-four-year-old man. If he doesn’t understand women by now, nothing I do or say will help.
There was nothing out of the ordinary about his phone call but I still felt annoyed. It was getting harder and harder to spend time with Brent. He talked about the exact same things at the exact same moment every single time. I’d heard all his jokes and the punch lines weren’t going to change. He got on my nerves but not enough for me to quit seeing him. My savings account was fatter than Biggie Smalls and steadily growing. It was my old age fund, so I wouldn’t end up broke and ill like Mama. If I quit screwing Brent, then the rent, phone, electricity and cable bills would have to come out of my salary. There was no way I could ask Nick to pay them. He was already buying my clothes, shoes, and jewelry.
I didn’t have the energy to find another married man to pay all my basic bills, and single guys always threw it up in your face when you didn’t do something they asked for. Married men went along with anything that would keep you from asking them to leave their wives.
So, I would screw him, grab this month’s check and be home in time to watch Jay Leno, but dressing up for the occasion was simply out this time. I just couldn’t summon up that much enthusiasm.
