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This scene of misery contradicted the happy twinkling lights and merry images of Santa that were on display on every building nearby.
My feet seemed to be cemented to the pavement and my immobility was frustrating me by the second.
Two men with the same look as the old man appeared and went over to the hearse.
Oh, my God! I thought to myself, they’re going to take him out. My heart began to race and every muscle inside my body went into shock with the sudden rush of adrenaline.
As the head of the mahogany casket appeared, tears showered my face and I was forced to remove my eyewear.
I heard Ms. Thompson scream, “NO! NOT MY BABY, OH, GOD, NOOO!” as she stepped out of a limousine, and it was more than I could stand.
Without thinking I took off down the block and hailed a cab.
I sank deeper and deeper into depression and I couldn’t seem to shake it. To make matters worse, Randy’s sister kept calling, threatening to kill me.
Saundra said I was a fool for not calling the police but my guilt prevented me from lifting so much as a finger in my own defense. As if I wasn’t suffering enough already, Velma sent me a copy of his love letter to me. It was dated the morning he died.
I thought about how pleased he was with his little family on Thanksgiving and how proud his mother’s eyes looked whenever her son uttered but a mere sound at the dinner table. Now, because of me, there would be no more cherished moments like those; and the images of an empty seat at their old wooden table made my heart heavy and my eyes water.
When I returned to work, I was flooded with condolence cards, flowers, stale chocolates and lunch invitations, but it was Saundra who snapped me out of my doldrums.
I invited her over for dinner and bought some appetizers from her favorite restaurant to go along with the meal.
She arrived at my house about six-thirty and when she saw the trademark transparent bag from Zen Palate on the kitchen table, she gave me the warmest hug she could muster. Saundra is truly an amazing person; she appreciates the littlest things people do for her as if they were so much more.
“Are you feeling better at all, Asha?” she asked as she flopped down on the couch with a spring roll.
“A little, I guess; every day it gets a lot easier. I would be even better if Velma would stop bugging me,” I said, chopping onions in the kitchen.
“You shouldn’t have spent so much time alone.”
“Nick wanted to fly in but I just wasn’t in the mood to entertain someone. Besides, Velma still calls from time to time. Nick would have wanted to know what all the ruckus is about.”
“I don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself. You should call the police and have them put a stop to this nonsense before it goes too far.”
“Velma is not really going to hurt me. She’s just trying to make me feel bad and she’s doing a damn good job of it.”
“You should stop beating yourself up over this now. True, you have made some horrible mistakes, but maybe he just had a bad heart and didn’t know it.”
“He would be alive if he hadn’t met me,” I said, tossing the onions into the hot skillet.
“I don’t believe that, per se. Only God knows why He called Nick home.”
Maybe Saundra’s visit was just what the doctor ordered.
“Thanks, Saundra, I really needed to hear that,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief.
“It’s true. Now will you try to cheer up?” she asked with her mouth half full.
And just like that, I was all better. Randy was a thing of the past. However, I kept my sad expression in place so Saundra wouldn’t call me callous again. “I’ll try.”
“That’s all I ask,” she said, putting her plate in the sink.
For the next couple of hours we had a ball watching Saundra’s favorite kung-fu movies wi
th terrible voice-overs and no plots. I hadn’t watched them since I was a child and it bought back many wonderful memories of Mama, who’d enjoyed them, too.
Afterwards we played “dress up” like little girls and fell out on each other as we exchanged clothes.
