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“Hello?” Velma answered, out of breath.
“This is Asha Mitchell. I really don’t appreciate your leaving messages on my machine and if you don’t stop harassing me, I’m going to call the police immediately,” I said crisply.
“Bitch . . . I don’t give a fuck what you appreciate. You lucky I don’t put your ass right next to my brother!” she screamed.
“I’m sorry about your brother but that’s not my fault. God just called him home, Velma.”
“Fuck you, bitch! You don’t know shit!”
“Fine. I will call the police if you continue and they will cut off your check and your food stamps, so do yourself a favor and stop.” I said firmly.
“No you don’t. You fuckin’. . . !”
Dial tone. I think I got my point across and if I didn’t, she’ll be in jail on Rikers Island by sunup, no problem.
After eating a little and watching TV, I figured Saundra should be home by now. I smiled to myself as I thought about how I slammed the phone down in Velma’s ear, which was probably still ringing. There are two things I have learned from watching old movies: how to slap a man and how to hang up a telephone.
“Hey, girl!”
“I’m not pregnant!” I exclaimed.
“When did you find out?”
“At work. I went to Duane Reade and got a pregnancy test.”
“I thought you wanted a blood test instead of the quickie kind. What happened to the doctor?”
“He left a message on my voice mail saying the same thing.”
“I’m glad to hear it, Asha.”
“Well, whatever. I’m not a mommy and that’s all that matters right now.”
“What are you doing this Saturday?”
> “You know that I don’t do anything when I’m in between conquests.”
“Asha . . . Remember you said you were going to try to change that, right? There’re not going to be anymore conquests, right?” she said, dragging her words.
“Yeah, yeah . . . Why do you ask?”
“I want you to come to a tea party with me in Brooklyn,” she said happily.
“I heard you talking about those tea parties a while ago. Isn’t that where a bunch of you new age, ’70s rejects get together and complain about The Man?” I giggled.
“Ha, ha, very funny; but it’s really not like that. We discuss a lot of different things and people, and also read their creative work; you’ll get to meet a lot of nice people and besides, its better than sitting in the house all weekend”
“I don’t know, Saundra, you know I’m not into all that stuff.”
“Well, let me know if you change your mind but I think you’d enjoy yourself.”
“Anyway, guess what just happened right before I called you?” I said, changing the topic on purpose.
“What?”
“I finally got the balls to call Velma and tell her off.”
“Did the sun pass the moon or something? What made you do that after all this time?” she asked.
