Page 18 of A Mighty Love


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Mel spread the blankets. Adrienne plugged in the radio.

They lay on the floor and turned the album pages. They looked so happy in the photos. It was hard for Adrienne to believe that so much had happened since the wedding.

“We used to be happy, right?”

Mel smiled enigmatically and stood up. “Let’s dance.”

Adrienne put her arms around her husband’s neck, and for Mel, the clock went back four years to their first date. They had rocked to the mournful strumming coming from the guitar of a no-talent blues band in a dinky Greenwich Village barbecue joint. Everything around them had seemed to sparkle. Mel held Adrienne tightly, wanting to weep because his carelessness had shattered the beautiful life they had once created.

“I love you, Mel.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

CHAPTER SIX

It had been more than six months since they slept together. The only light came from a table lamp that Charlene had no longer needed, and it cast a bright circle that illuminated Adrienne and her husband as they fumbled out of their clothes. When they were both naked, Adrienne closed her eyes. Her husband’s hands roamed over her body. She wanted to caress him back, but every time she started to lift her hands, something hard twisted within her chest. Was it because Mel’s touch was so cold? Or maybe it was that Mel’s eyes were lifeless, his lips clamped tightly shut. He looked as if he had just been sentenced to life in prison. He mounted her but didn’t have enough of an erection to enter, and she could sense his shame.

“Mel, don’t worry about it.”

He climbed off and lay on his back. They both stared at the ceiling. “You’re cold as ice. That’s what the fuck is wrong.”

Adrienne knew he was right. She didn’t feel an ounce of desire. Ever since they had rented the apartment, Adrienne had daydreamed about being with him. She had visualized every moment of their lovemaking. The most exciting part of each of those scenarios had been the instant when the past receded into an infinitesimal dot and she was consumed by a passion so deep that it seeped into Mel’s bones and transported them both into frenzied ecstasy. Instead, Mel’s fondling felt like the reassuring pats and hugs she had received from her family in the awful days before Delilah’s funeral. His charcoal-colored semihard penis became the image of a tiny, limp human being. Adrienne felt she could not say all of this out loud without destroying what little chance they had of rebuilding their marriage. So she just took his hand and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

He sighed heavily. “Do you know where my cigarettes are?”

“So you’re going to give up. Just like that?” Adrienne knew she was being unreasonable, but she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Mel turned over to face her. Now his eyes looked angry. “Let me tell you something, baby. This floor is hard, and my thoughts are all fucked up, too, so let’s just try and get some sleep. Okay?”

Silent tears coursed down Adrienne’s cheeks as Mel got up and fumbled around for his cigarettes. He finally found them and sat smoking in a corner on the other side of the room. As the ringlets of smoke curled through the air, Adrienne wondered if Mel had ever tried to kick the habit after the accident. How could he stand to light a cigarette after what had happened to Delilah? She sighed heavily. The road ahead was not going to be a smooth one.

“Mel, we’ll get through this. Right?”

Adrienne fell asleep waiting for him to answer.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Mel woke up first. He looked down at his sleeping wife and felt like a complete shit. Last night’s disaster wasn’t entirely Adrienne’s fault. He had felt nothing except sadness as Adrienne fumbled out of her clothing, and a wave of remorse had washed over him when he first touched her naked body. Had he lost his heat for Adrienne? If so, why hadn’t he been man enough to admit it rather than blaming her? He groaned out loud because he didn’t have the answer to either of those questions. The noise made Adrienne turn over. He looked around the huge living room. Nothing but boxes. And he had no money in the bank and didn’t get paid until next week. Since he was a loner who didn’t have any personal friends outside of Debra’s crowd, there was no one he could ask for some extra cash. What a mess.

Maybe a hot shower will clear my head, he thought. He stood up, wondering which box held the washcloths, towels, and soap. The memories of their other beautifully furnished apartment came flooding back. A ragged sob escaped from his throat as he stood there in the bare, chilly room. He tenderly wrapped the blankets around his wife, got dressed without washing, and sat smoking in a corner until she woke up.

They slept on the floor for a week, and although they didn’t actually make love, at least Mel could snuggle Adrienne in his arms, and she would hold him close throughout the night.

The furniture store delivered their black-lacquered bedroom furniture the following Saturday. A queen-size bed, two night tables, a chest of drawers for Mel, and a mirrored dresser for Adrienne. After everything was in place, they grinned at each other. Adrienne hugged him around the waist, that first night forgotten. They still worked well together. It felt like old times.

“Let’s get these boxes out of here,” Mel said.

“No,” Adrienne answered quickly. “I have a better idea. You got paid yesterday. Go buy us a television set with the money we have left while I unpack.”

“There’s a lot of work to do here, baby. I should help.”

Adrienne smiled brightly. “You can flatten all the empty boxes and take them outside when you get back.”

Mel stood on the front steps. He felt very confused and a little desperate. Adrienne seemed secretive in some way. It was obvious that she had wanted to get rid of him a few moments ago. Why? He walked to the corner of Thirtieth Street and hesitated. Adrienne had rushed him from the house, so she shouldn’t mind if he took his time getting back home. Debra would still be sober since it was only noon. He could take the Eighth Avenue bus uptown and pay her a visit. He could talk things out with her in a roundabout way. His sister had a way of looking at things and figuring out how to start fixing whatever was wrong. She had pulled him out of the dark and back to work when he’d given up on life. She and her crazy friends had made him laugh again. Yeah, he would go see Debra. She could also go downtown and help him pick out a nice TV.

Big Boy opened the door and gave Mel an angry, hateful look. Before Mel could ask what the hell his problem was, the giant stomped past him and Mel heard his footsteps thundering down the stairs. Debra kicked the door closed once Mel was inside and then sat down heavily in a kitchen chair.

“What’s wrong with that crazy bastard?” Mel yelled.

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