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He’s so close that I want to reach out and touch him, let him hold me, but he doesn’t move. “What about Lily?”
“What about her?”
“Do you think she’s broken? Do you think that she’s screwed up because she married Mark? I don’t know how much she’s told you about her relationship but he’s a stricter Dom than I am. They’re in a twenty-four-seven relationship. There’s never a moment when she doesn’t submit. Do you think she’s unhappy? Crazy?”
I take a second and think. Lily has been talking about Mark for years, and she’s never said anything but good things. There haven’t been any red flags when I’ve talked to her, and at the wedding, I’ve never seen her so happy. “No,” I whisper, “I don’t think that. Lily isn’t stupid. She’d never do something she wasn’t okay with.”
“Then why do you think you’re broken for wanting something that makes you feel good?”
“Because it scares me. What if I just end up in the same place I was?”
Matthew finally closes the space between us, and I hate that the tears flow harder. I thought I had been all cried out last night. I guess I was wrong. The warmth of his arms is so welcome, and I let go. I’m sure I’m his shirt, but I can’t stop.
He tips my head back, kissing me softly. “Maybe we should stop,” he says. “Maybe you’re not ready, and I don’t want to scare you away from this life because I calculated wrong.”
“I don’t want to stop,” I say, even though I’m shivering. “Please. Show me that I’m wrong. Show me that I don’t have to be afraid of this.”
He searches my face, and I don’t know what he’s looking for. “Are you sure?”
“Please.”
Another soft kiss. “You have to trust me.”
“I do.”
Another hesitation, another searching of my face. I know he’s deciding whether or not to move forward, and I desperately want him to. I need this. I need to feel that strange bond between us and be able to let go and let him take control and know that everything will still be okay.
Slowly, Matthew nods. “Strip and kneel.”
I don’t hesitate, pulling my lingerie over my head and putting it aside, I sink to my knees in front of him. My head is bowed, and I can’t see what he’s doing, but he’s moved away, and I hear the sounds of equipment being prepared.
It takes a few minutes, and when his feet come to stand in front of me again, I’m relieved. I don’t raise my head until I feel a hand on my shoulder. “Stand.”
I do, and when I look up I freeze. He’s bringing me toward that same X I watched at his party. My heart is beating out of my chest, but I put one foot in front of the other until I’m standing in front to it.
“What are your safewords, Emma?”
“Red and Lemon.”
He turns me to face him. “Step back and up.”
I step on the platform, and he gently lays me back against the X, which is at an angle now. Just enough that I’m not able to stand. Matthew buckles my wrists and ankles into the cuffs, and then more straps across my hips and chest. I’m suspended and spread open. “Can you move?” he asks gently.
I shake my head. “No.”
“Good. Thank you for trusting me enough for this. And I’m going to ask you to trust me a little more.” He places a blindfold over my eyes, and suddenly everything is black and I can’t move. My breath goes short and I pull against the restraints. I can’t move. I can’t move.
“Emma,” Matthew’s voice is calm. “Are you in pain?”
“No, Sir.”
“You are safe with me. What are your safewords?”
A way out. I have a way out. My breath calms and the restraints suddenly don’t feel as tight. “Red and Lemon.”
Fingers drifting across my cheek. “Good girl.”
I hear him step away, and the clicks and the soft scratch of a drawer. Panic suddenly rises again, and I pull on the restraints. “Matthew.”
He’s instantly by my side, and his hand drifts across my ribs. “I’m here. I would never leave you alone while restrained.”
Nodding my head, I haul in a deep breath.
“Let go,” he says. “You don’t have to worry about choices, because they’re not yours. They’re mine. What’s my name right now?”
“Sir.”
“Very good.” Another gentle touch across my stomach.
And then another, but it’s not his fingers. Tingling, brushing strands tickle down my skin, and I tense. I recognize what it is even if I can’t see. It’s a flogger. I bite my lip, and I fight the urge to hold my breath and tense my whole body. “Are you punishing me, Sir?”
A low chuckle, and the soft, warm feeling of his lips on my collarbone. I get chills as he drags his mouth down to my breast, covers my nipple. It hardens under his tongue and he teases the other one until it’s just as hard. “No, Emma. I want to make you scream, but I’m not punishing you.”
