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“Absolutely. There was a queen slayer who’d recently resurrected, and I thought it would be lovely to care for one like my dad, but whether or not Nox was on the grounds with us or away on some adventure, I knew Nox was the right one for me. Our friendship was flickering; I simply had to tend to the fire. Then Nox returned after being gone for months. He was skeletal. Dying.” Wyatt gets up, as if magnetized back to his companion, and he kisses Nox between his eyes. “It’s an odd thing to grieve a phoenix you know will resurrect, but obsidians need roughly three years before respawning. Nox let me hold him as he died, and I protected his ashes in an iron crate. When Nox came back to life I was a blubbering mess, I’d missed him so much. He flew onto my shoulder and nibbled my ear, and we were each other’s.”
“What do you think made Nox ultimately choose you?” I ask.
“I think he understood that not only would I never hurt him, that I would show him the love he deserves. Frankly, I would’ve waited the rest of my life for him.” He turns to Nox. “Don’t go getting any ideas, my beauty. Seven years was plenty.”
This is a beautiful memory Wyatt has shared, one definitely worth retrocycling to. I’m determined to create a world where Wyatt, and all these other Halo Knights, never have to fear someone killing their phoenix companions to steal their powers. That problem began with Keon and will be resolved by me if it’s the last thing I do in this life.
Thirty-Six
Infinity Senses
EMIL
We’re gearing up in the Sanctuary’s meditation room. It’s a simple space with racked candles, incense, a banner of a sun swallower, and a vaulted ceiling with windows wide enough for phoenixes to enter, since they’re welcome here as much as anyone else. Or should I say, more than anyone else. It’s hard for us to feel welcome when a man wraps up his prayers early because he doesn’t want to be here with us. Tala hands us mats that she borrowed from one of the housekeeping families, and we roll them out on the floor. She intentionally gives Brighton the smallest one, intended for a child.
I sit in a triangle with Brighton and Maribelle while Prudencia leans against the wall.
Wyatt opens his logbook. “I spent the greater part of yesterday exploring different potential methods for a specter to retrocycle. Humans don’t hibernate in the traditional sense, but we do sleep, and perhaps more importantly, we dream. I imagine retrocycling will feel much like a dreamer with intense lucidity, but the success rate for that is not in our favor.”
“Based on what? Data from ordinary people?” Brighton asks. “We’re above their level.”
“Be my guest and prove how powerful you are by mastering a muscle that doesn’t naturally exist within any human being.”
I can practically feel how badly Brighton wants to do just that.
Maribelle is fidgety, like she’s forgotten how to stay still. “We don’t need to know what won’t work. We need to know what will.”
“You lot are no friends to suspense. Fine. I believe it is in our best interest if you set yourselves entirely on fire,” Wyatt says, showing us a page in his logbook of three stick figures with flames around them. “I take it there will be no concerns since you’re used to the fire already.”
“Yeah, but not our entire bodies.” I’ve gotten stronger since getting my powers, but throwing fire still isn’t easy. The weight of it all is so tiring.
“Your own fire doesn’t hurt you, yes?”
Brighton and Maribelle say no, but I say yes.
“Not usually,” I say, remembering how the charged-up fire-orb I threw at the force field in the cemetery knocked the air out of me. “But it’s been more painful to use my powers since Luna stabbed me with the infinity-ender.”
“I’m sensitive to that, love; I don’t want to put you through pain—”
“Then don’t,” Prudencia says. “I know you want to protect phoenixkind, but I’m speaking up for my friend. The last time Emil even so much as conjured a fire-orb he didn’t have it in him to throw it. He put himself through that to save our lives.”
Wyatt looks like he wants to counter, maybe mutter something to himself, but he nods instead. “Understood. Brighton, you’re welcome to experiment too, but perhaps our focus should be on getting Maribelle to retrocycle since she will have access to Bautista’s life as well.”
“Fine by me,” Maribelle says.
“I want to try,” I say.
“You don’t have to,” Prudencia says.
“Yeah, bro, don’t put yourself through that,” Brighton says.
“This is one of the rare times I can make the most of these powers without actually fighting,” I say. I wasn’t up to full strength during our Crowned Dreamer battle because of all the pain Ness had inflicted on me, but the constellation helped my powers. I can use them, I just have to be the strongest I’ve ever been at withstanding the pain. “I swear I’ll tap out if the fire becomes too much.”
Brighton and Prudencia seem wary while Wyatt is glowing with gratitude for my efforts. I know he’s not trying to throw me in danger, but either way, this is worth the risk. It’s how I can make good on Keon’s crimes.
I straight wish that doing the right thing was enough to overcome fear.
Wyatt walks us through everything else. Tala will coach us on measuring our breaths plus focusing and together they will try to guide us on our journeys back. We know this all might be pointless, but we’re asked to believe in this fully, otherwise we may not be able to connect to our pasts and our bloodlines. I have no reason to think this isn’t possible. I might be my roadblock if I can’t tough it out.
