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Nathan
I sit in the chair in the corner of my patient’s hospital room, and I go through his chart again, trying to figure out what the fuck to do here.
I nearly lost him today. After surviving a twelve-hour surgery yesterday, he’s fighting for survival. Justin, a twenty-one-year-old with his whole life in front of him, is unresponsive, and not coming out of it like we had hoped.
No heart transplant is easy, but it’s as if his body is too tired to fight. I’ve sent his parents back to their hotel to shower and rest. I promised them I would stay with him until their return.
“Here you are, Doctor.” The nurse hands me a cup of coffee. “Can I get you a blanket?”
“No, thanks, Emma, I’m good,” I reply as I take it from her.
Her eyes linger on me. “You must be exhausted—you’ve been here all day.”
I give a sad smile as my eyes watch J
ustin hooked up to all the machines, the sound of his weak heartrate echoing through the room.
Don’t die.
“I’m fine.” I sigh. I get a vision of him in my office last week and how excited he was to be finally getting the procedure. I had no inclination that his young body wasn’t strong enough to get through it.
Don’t die.
I should call Eliza. Why?
She just hurts me. The words roll though my head on repeat. How do I turn them off?
Are you in love with Eliza, or are you just looking for an incubator to make your babies?
One sentence.
One sentence to bring my entire self-worth to a screaming halt.
Just one sentence is all it took to see myself how her and the rest of the world see me. As they will always see me.
My past will never be in my past. It will never be done.
I will always be the man with an agenda—a man who wants her for her uterus.
Eliza knows me better than anyone. At least, I thought she did.
She broke something inside of me and I’m trying to get it back. I really am.
I’m calling out to my heart to drop it, but it just can’t.
How do you ignore the most hurtful thing you’ve ever heard?
How do you pretend to yourself that it doesn’t matter that she thinks I would use her to have a child? How do you force yourself to drop something that means everything to you?
What if she’s pregnant?
I put my head into my hands as my elbows rest on my knees as Jolie’s words come back to me. I let the poison roll over me and sink into my soul again.
What are you planning… to give her five years and three kids, and then go back to your ex, while your best friend raises your kids alone?
How could she think I want Robert when she is my entire world?
Doesn’t she know me at all?
