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We met, we spoke, and he told me about the two of you, and I understood. He said you were a wonderful person and he wished us the best. But at the end of the conversation,when I told him about our friendship for ten years, he said that it made a lot of sense.
All week at the conference, I wondered what he meant by it, and on the last day before I flew home to you, I asked him to elaborate as to what he meant.
He said that perhaps he thought you wanted children and your body has started to crave mine to fulfill its destiny. He also said that you had told him that you were still in love with Robert.
I was beyond devastated.
Crushed that perhaps we had fallen in love under false pretences, and that, no matter how much we loved each othe
r, your love for Robert was never going to go away.
I was selfish, too proud to tell you my fears, and I talked to my friends instead of you. I thought I could handle my insecurities myself. I didn’t want you to see how badly I was struggling with us.
Because us was so, so beautiful, and you deserved better.
Maybe when you love someone as much as I love you, fear is always present. An evil, waiting in the wings to steal happiness.
I drop my head as a tear rolls down my cheek. God, this really is it for us. I blink to try and focus, and I begin to write again.
Then Robert came to you and professed his love, and seeing your reaction to him, I know it hurt. It’s obvious that you still love him.
You wouldn’t talk to me. You withdrew. Even through a pregnancy scare, we were distant. I died a little every day without you. At a time when I needed you the most, I was completely alone, faced with the possibility of having a child with a man who loved another.
I understand why—you didn’t want to hurt me by leaving. That’s not who you are.
Nathan, my darling, I’m giving you the time you deserve.
I love you so much—I love you more than life itself—and I could never keep you held to me, knowing that your heart is aching for someone else.
As your best friend, I need to sacrifice my happiness for yours.
Hopefully, we will find a way back to each other and you will come to me in New York.
I will wait for you. I will love you from across the country and pray that you return to me.
But I understand if you can’t, and I wish you all the happiness you deserve.
Please remember how much you are loved, and make the decision that is right for you.
I’ll be okay.
Always,
Eliza
xoxo
* * *
“Last call for flight 756 to New York.”
I sit in the boarding lounge of the airport. I’ve been here for five hours. I couldn’t sit and wait in that apartment a moment longer.
Nathan hasn’t been home for three days. I guess, if I was questioning whether I was doing the right thing, Nathan has answered me, loud and clear.
He wanted me to stay and fight for us, but there are two people in a fight and I can’t do this alone.
I wouldn’t want to.
