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“That’s not true. A bisexual person is someone who is aroused by members of both sex.”
“I’m not bisexual.”
“Have you considered the possibility of being pansexual?”
“What’s that?” I ask.
“A pansexual person doesn’t see a body when they are attracted to someone. It’s the personality and heart they desire, regardless of their sex.”
I shrug as I contemplate that theory, that could be it. “Okay.”
He pauses as if getting the wording right in his head. “Tell me… what’s the worst possible scenario that could happen with Eliza?”
“That we have sex, and one of us likes it and the other one doesn’t.”
“You’re afraid that you aren’t going to like it?”
I nod. “Or that I won’t know what to do with her body and therefore be a disappointment.”
“Nathan, have you ever thought about the possibility of having sex with a female other than Eliza to see if you do like it?” My eyes search his. “Perhaps you could explore this side of your sexuality away from your relationship with Eliza.”
I drop my head. Why haven’t I thought of this before? “Why? Why am I feeling like this now, after all this time?”
“How old are you?”
“Thirty-four.”
“Many people reach a deeper level of themselves around your age. They’re searching for their truth. An awakening, if you will.”
“You think being straight is my truth?” I whisper, horrified.
“I think that perhaps you are curious, which is completely normal.” He pauses. “And I think that you are going to have sex with a woman at some stage in your life—curiosity like this doesn’t just disappear. Now, whether that is with your Eliza or a stranger will be up to you.”
I listen intently.
“You need to calculate the risk, Nathan, and only you can do that. Do you want to explore your sexuality without the chance of hurting Eliza? Or do you want to risk it? The choice is yours.”
I think for a moment.
“Is there another woman who interests you? One where the gamble isn’t so high?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “There are a lot of options, I guess. I don’t have a problem getting female attention. Women throw themselves at me all the time.”
“Anyone in particular that takes your interest?’
I think for a moment. “There is… one woman.”
“Who is she?”
“Her name is Stephanie. We go to the gym together. We have coffee sometimes.”
“And you’re attracted to her?”
“I wouldn’t say attracted.” I scowl. “It’s not like my attraction to Eliza. She is gorgeous, though.”
“But you feel something there? Is she attracted to you?”
“Yes, she wants me. She makes her intentions clear quite often.”
