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Mercer men are pissing me off.
* * *
The plane bounces on its landing, and I grip my armrests. It’s been a long trip home.
Actually, it’s been a long twenty-four hours. Nathan and I have spoken about ten words to each other. He slept in the spare room again last night, and I guess if I was searching for an answer, he gave it to me then and there.
Things have changed between us; it’s clear now.
Crystal clear.
We leave the plane, and I follow him through the airport in silence. When we get to the street, he takes my hand and my heart nearly breaks.
It won’t be my hand he’s reaching for soon.
It’s the weirdest thing. Stephanie is probably a lovely girl and could make Nathan happy, but all I can feel for her at the moment is resentment. And rather than say something snarky and showing Nathan my horrible jealous true colors, I remain silent. If I don’t say anything, I can’t ruin it any more.
It’s already pretty bad, I need to salvage it as soon as I get control of myself.
We arrive at his car. He puts our bags in the trunk and we drive out into the traffic.
There’s a tension between us, and I’m trying to be a good friend, I really am. But it feels like I don’t even know him anymore.
My mind keeps going over the last twenty-four hours, Pornhub…the kinds of sex he was watching. The moment I thought we had at the airport on Friday.
The lies.
Twenty silent minutes later, we arrive at my apartment. Nathan parks the car, he gets out, opens the trunk, and he takes his suitcase out, too.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
His face falls. “Can I stay?”
My eyes hold his. “Why, Nathe? So we can have more awkward silence?”
“What do you want me to say, Eliza? Tell me what can make this better so I can fix it.”
“Nothing.” I force a smile. “There is nothing wrong with you, Nathe. It’s me. The problem is me.”
“Why?”
“I just need some time to get my head around this.”
“Around what?”
“Around you being with a woman.”
He frowns, as if confused.
“It’s just something that was never on my radar. I feel like—” I cut myself off.
“Like what?”
“Like there is this whole other part of you that I don’t know.”
“There is.” His eyes hold mine. “I’m a very sexual person, Eliza.”
I get a vision of him kissing a girl, and my stomach twists. I nod, unable to push anything intelligent through my lips. “Do you think about her when you’re in bed with me?” I whisper.
