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“Precious why didn’t you tell me? When we got back together, you didn’t tell me.” She continues crying and doesn’t answer me. We sit in silence for fifteen minutes as she continues crying. I’m so fucking angry with myself I could punch a hole in the wall. The feeling of raw guilt brings bile to my stomach.
“At first I didn’t want you to be easy on me…sexually,” she whispers.
My eyes widen. “Oh god, did I hurt you?” My stomach drops as I remember how hard I was on her the first few times and I close my eyes. FUCK. What’s wrong with me? I should have been able to tell.
“And then I was embarrassed to tell you,” she whispers.
I frown. “How could you be embarrassed to tell me that? It’s the most fucking perfect thing I have ever heard?” She slowly calms down as I continually kiss her forehead. “Come on, baby. Let’s get you up and dressed.” I stand and take my wet clothes off, then I wrap her in a towel. She’s distraught. I’m such a fuck up.
She looks up at me. “I love you Josh.” A lump in my throat forms and I am unable to speak. It happened the other night in the hotel too. The sound of Natasha’s voice. Hearing her speak those words. It makes me weak.
“I… I love you Tash. I never stopped. Please forgive me. I will never doubt you again.” She reaches up and runs her hand down my stubble.
“Don’t leave me,” she whispers with tears in her eyes. Unable to speak, I shake my head and bend to take her lips tenderly in mine.
Seven years…seven long years…I’ve waited for this and now I realise the sick truth is that I’m undeserving of her love. My heart breaks. It’s been five days since we got back together. Five days she has taken to break down my defences and I have never been more in love in my life. I’m in serious trouble.
Chapter 22
I wake to find Josh not in bed. I sit up startled. Is he still here? I hear the toaster pop and I smile. He’s making me toast, not protein. That makes for a nice change. He walks in and smiles at me before pulling me into a gentle embrace as he kisses me.
“Hello, my beautiful. Are you feeling better this morning?” I smile and nod. “I’ve made you breakfast,” he announces. “Come to the table.” He smiles warmly as he pulls me up by the hands. I look down at myself and smile. I notice he hasn’t said anything about my flannelette PJs. I must be allowed to wear them when I have my period. I walk out to the table and frown. It looks like the buffet breakfast that hotel had where we stayed the other night. Croissants, bacon and eggs, muffins and toast and three types of juice. Ok, he’s lost it. I screw my face up.
“So yesterday I got tough shit because I wanted an egg and today I get this,
” I gesture to the table. He smiles a little embarrassed.
“Yesterday I was a prick.” I smile as I walk over and give him a gentle kiss and I stroke his face.
“I happen to like you yesterday,” I smirk. He smiles a proud of himself smile. “Sorry about last night.”
He frowns at me. “What for?”
“The whole drama queen thing.”
He puts his toast down. “You are not a drama queen. I was thinking about it while I made you breakfast. If I was you, I think I would have killed me by now.”
“Lucky you’re not me then. What are we doing today?” I smile.
“Whatever you want.”
Five o’clock after a day of kissing and cuddling and sleeping I wake up toasty in our bed. Josh is lying facing me and I smile as we lie and stare into each other’s eyes. The emotion between us is palpable. As if in silence we have both realised how deeply in love we are and how much we need each other. He holds my hand and gently picks it up and kisses the back of it.
“I know you saved your body for me, but you must know I saved my heart for you. I love you more than anything.” He kisses my hand again and I smile a shy smile. We hold hands as we lie facing each other not speaking—no words are needed. I have never felt so deeply connected to another human being. Nothing has ever felt so right. He leans and tenderly swipes his tongue through my open lips.
“Thank you,” he whispers.
I frown. “For what?”
He smiles. “For waiting for me.” My heart swells and my eyes tear up.
“You’re worth the wait, Josh. I would do it again.” He runs his hands through my hair and kisses my forehead.
“How long do we have to wait? I need to make love to you desperately,” he whispers as he rests his forehead against mine. How is it a twenty–seven–year–old man does not know about women’s cycles?
“How do you not know this?” I tease.
He frowns. “I’ve never had a girlfriend, Tash. How would I know these things?” He does wide eyes at me. I smile, I know we could but I’m going to make him wait the week out. Let him suffer for a change. And boy is he going to suffer.
