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“Let’s hope so.” I sigh.
My phone begins to vibrate across the table, the name Simon lighting up the screen. My heart sinks.
“I’m going to take this call outside,” I tell Rourke.
“Yeah, sure.”
“Hi, Simon.” I smile as I walk towards the elevator.
“Hello, Tully.” His calm voices soothes me. “Everything okay?”
I get in and push the button to the ground floor. “I just really needed to talk to you. How was your flight?”
“Yeah, it was long. Horrible, actually. Thank God for the minibar.” He sighs.
I fake a smile as I walk through reception, out into the garden.
“Simon, we need to talk.”
“Okay?” He pauses for a second. “You sound serious.”
I sit on the park bench. “I am.” I close my eyes as I try to remember how the conversation went in my head.
“What?”
“Si… you know when you met that girl and you started doing different things?”
“Yeah.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. I really don’t want to hurt him. “I met someone, too. Remember? I was telling you about him.”
“Okay.”
God, I hate this. “And the thing is, Si, I’m a bit confused about how I feel about us now.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I know we love each other. We will always love each other, right?”
He stays silent.
“I just don’t know if we are in love with each other anymore.”
“Is it serious? Between you and this other guy?”
I close my eyes. “Not yet.” I hesitate. “But I feel like I want it to be,” I whisper.
He stays silent.
“I tried to stop seeing him this week and…” My voice trails off.
“You promised me this wouldn’t happen, Tully.”
“Si.”
“You fucking promised me.”
My eyes fill with tears as I hear the hurt in his voice. “I know, baby.” I shake my head as I try to articulate my thoughts. “That girl you met, did you feel… close to her?”
“No. I feel close to you.”
I close my eyes.
“I’m getting on a plane and coming home.”
“No!” I snap, knowing I just have to say it out loud. “I don’t want us to be back together, Simon. I don’t want you to move in with me when you get back.”
“What?” he cries.
“I don’t think we’re meant to be a couple anymore.” I stand and begin to pace. “I saw you with that girl, Simon, and I saw how happy you were. Maybe you don’t even realise it yet, but you will.”
“You’re just confused, Tully.”
I shake my head as my tears fall. “No.” I swipe my tears away angrily. “I’ve been confused for twelve months. I think I finally know what I want,” I whisper.
“Him?” he snaps. “You want him? After everything we’ve been through, you think you want a complete stranger over me?”
“Just think about it. We don’t miss each other. We’re seeing other people. You’re happy in bed with someone else and so am I. This is not normal behaviour for people who are supposed to be in love, Si.”
He stays silent once more.
“If you were only meant to be with me, you’d be heartbroken that I was seeing someone else.”
“Tully…” He sighs sadly, and I know I’ve hit a nerve with him. He knows that, deep down, I’m right.
“Simon, I know that we had our whole future planned out, but I think that you need to let yourself imagine a different future without me.” I smile a sad smile for no one but myself. “A future where we can be friends and you can be madly in love with someone else. I can be happy knowing that you’re happy.”
“I love you, Tully.”
“I love you, Si.” I close my eyes, the lump in my throat no longer letting me speak.
“Do you love him?”
I frown. “No.” But somewhere deep in my subconscious screams that I’m a liar.
He remains silent again.
“This isn’t about him, this is about us.” The tears roll down my face. “And the realisation that we don’t make each other feel the same way we used to make each other feel,” I say softly.
“And he does?”
Silence hangs between us.
I cringe, waiting for him to speak, but nothing comes.
“Say something,” I whisper.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me that you understand,” I plead.
“What? Understand that you fell in love with someone else?”
I promised him this wouldn’t happen. I promised myself that this wouldn’t happen, so why the hell did it? How did I let it get to this?
The pain feels just like the day I left him and moved out.
Raw and deep.
“I’ll never understand that, Tully,” he whispers. “I love you.”
All at once, the line cuts off and I know he’s gone. I drop my head and sit for a few moments as I try to process what I’ve done. My heart is beating hard in my chest. This hurts so much. I get an image of Simon and what he could be doing now, and I feel sick. I really do care deeply for him and I can’t stand the thought of hurting him. I stare out over the park in front of me, my tongue darting out to lick my lips and taste my salty tears as they roll down my face.
