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My fingers curled into his lapels, gripping them tightly. I remembered those rumors, too. I’d encountered a bit of that animosity during an afternoon tea I’d hosted what felt like ages ago instead of mere months. I’d only just met Thomas—and couldn’t stand him most of the time—and yet I’d defended him instead of sitting back and quietly agreeing, much to my aunt’s dismay.
I loathed the way the people of so-called noble birth spread rumors of him like a plague. When they’d discovered Miss Eddowes, one of the Ripper victims, had a small tattoo that read TC, they went wild with theories. They were cruel and inaccurate. Thomas could never harm anyone. If they’d only given him a chance, they’d have seen what I did…
“Anyway, that night I made a vow to the heavens. I swore I would only marry science. I refused to surrender my heart or my mind to anyone. No one can think you’re a monster if they don’t know you. And those who already thought it? Why should I care? They didn’t mean anything. I refused to let them.”
He dropped a kiss on my neck, drawing a lovely tingling sensation on my skin there.
“When I walked into your uncle’s laboratory, I’d been so consumed with the surgical procedure we were about to perform. It was the perfect distraction from my black mood. I hadn’t initially noticed you. Then I did.” He breathed in deeply as if preparing to reveal the secret I craved. “You were standing there, scalpel in hand, apron splattered in blood. Of course I noticed your beauty, but that wasn’t what caught me off guard. It was the look in your eyes. The way you held that blade aloft, like you might stick me with it.” He chuckled, the sound rumbling in his chest. “I was so startled at the odd surge of my pulse, I almost fell face-first into the open cadaver. It was a horrifying mental image. I was even more disturbed when I realized it mattered—what you’d think of that. Of me.”
He gently stroked my hair for a few beats.
“I hadn’t had a physical response to anyone before,” he said, voice shy. “I’d never found myself intrigued by anyone, either. And there you were, within an hour of my declaration against love, as if mocking my resolve. I wanted to shout, ‘I will not become a monster for you!’ Because a foreign piece of me wanted to snatch you away and keep you all to myself forever. It was downright animalistic. I wanted to loathe you but found it impossible.”
I snorted at that. “Yes, you certainly seemed bewitched by me. What with that icy reception. You didn’t even speak to me.”
“Do you know why?” he asked, not expecting an answer. “Because I knew, straightaway, there was only one reason behind my treacherous heartbeat. I thought if I could fight it, pretend the feeling away, freeze it, if necessary, I might win the battle against love.” He shifted behind me, gently turning my face to his. This time, he wished to confess to me. “I knew from the moment I set eyes upon you there could be something special here. I wanted to forget the surgery and don an apron, too. I wanted to cast you under the same spell that you’d cast over me. Of course that wasn’t logical. I needed to remember who I was—the monster, incapable of being loved. My coolness was directed entirely at myself. The more time we spent together, the harder it became to deny the change in my emotions. I couldn’t pretend away my feelings, nor could I blame them on some strange illness.”
I rolled my eyes at that. “How exceptionally sentimental. Believing your affection for me was nothing more than an infection.”
His laugh erased my remaining worry with its warmth. I all but forgot about the maelstrom in my head. “I had an inclination that you might feel that way. Which is why I penned this for you instead.”
I stared at him for a moment, pulse pounding. “You wrote something for me?”
He pulled a small cream envelope from h
is pocket, his expression bordering on bashful as he handed it to me. My name was written with care—the script more beautiful than his usual hurried writing. A lovely flush crept up his collar.
Curious as to what would bring about such an unusual emotion in him, I quickly opened it and read.
My dearest Audrey Rose,
Poems and sonnets are meant to rhyme, but I find myself unable to pen anything other than the deepest longing of my soul. My world had been dark. I was so used to it that I’d grown accustomed to traversing through the lonely stretches of desolate land.
When you entered my life, you shone brighter than the sun and stars combined. You warmed the frozen parts of me I’d feared were incapable of thawing. I’d been convinced I had a heart carved from ice until you smiled… and then it began to beat wildly. I cannot imagine my world without you in it now, because you are my entire universe.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Wadsworth. You are and will forever remain my truest and only love. I hope, though I have no right to, that you will be mine. As I will always be
Yours forever,
Thomas
My eyes brimmed with unshed tears and I clamped my jaws together to keep from crying. I didn’t think the proper way of thanking him for his thoughtfulness was to snot all over his suit. Horror washed into Thomas’s features. I tensed, unsure what had brought on his sudden shift.
“I-I didn’t mean… you don’t have to—” He ran a hand through his hair, tousling his dark locks. “It’s all right if you don’t want to be mine. I-I understand our circumstances aren’t ideal. It’s—”
Relief sluiced through me. He’d misunderstood the source of my tears. It was incredible that his powers of deduction were so lost when it came to reading my emotions. I touched his face gently, my hand fitting around the curve of his cheek, and brought his lips to mine. Showing him, without words, how much he meant to me.
Thomas needed no further explanation. He deepened our kiss, his hands gripping me tighter—but not uncomfortably so—as he closed the space between us. Whenever he held me like that, with his body molded so perfectly against mine, I swore I lost my senses. The world and all its problems settled into a corner far away. There were only the two of us.
I nipped at his bottom lip and his eyes shifted to a molten chocolate that started a fire deep within me. He scooped me into his arms, knocking my cane over in his haste to exit the room and any possible interruptions from the footmen should they come to check on our dinner.
We were fortunate to have made it upstairs to my chambers before we expressed our love more thoroughly. I yanked his shirt open, buttons popping in all directions, and gave him an impish grin as he set me on the bed. He seemed anything but disturbed by my exuberance as he returned the favor and relieved me of my corset. Tonight he didn’t bother with slowly pulling its strings; he practically ripped it apart.
I traced the outline of his tattoo first with my fingertips and then with my lips, never tiring of the way he gasped beneath my careful touch.
If I lived to be one thousand years old, it would never feel like enough time with him.
“I love you, Audrey Rose. More than all the stars in the universe.”
