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“But,” he began, and he let that “but” hang between us a moment. “You didn’t tell me you had a potential job offer at a competing company. And you knew the situation was serious. I can’t help but feel a bit betrayed.”
“It wasn’t personal,” I said quickly. “Please, don’t feel like I was thinking I would pull something behind your back.”
He nodded. “I don’t think that. I think that you considered your career options, and you considered how this might affect our relationship, and you chose your career.”
“Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?” I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Not give up career opportunities for a guy, not let love get in the way of business... It’s how I’d ordered my priorities. “I love you, Neil, but I didn’t want to throw away an opportunity for myself because I was dating you.”
“You didn’t have to throw away the opportunity. But you could have at least had the decency to give me some clue, some warning.” He got up from the couch and went to the door, shutting it firmly. I had the same sense that he did, that this conversation might get... loud.
“I did give you warning,” I reminded him. “I told you the way Porteras was running, you were going to have trouble. And we weren’t supposed to talk about business, remember?”
“That is such bullshit, Sophie. You offered conjecture on the future of the magazine when you knew there was a greater threat that actually existed. And the only reason you didn’t tell me was because you apparently didn’t trust me to handle the problem in a way that wouldn’t cause negative consequences for you. I have been a far better boss than Gabriella, and your loyalty still lies with her.”
So, this was a professional beef? I didn’t know how to get around that one. “I told Rudy. I followed the chain of command at Porteras for this kind of thing. I wouldn’t have done anything different if I’d still been working under Gabriella.”
“I think,” he began, weighing each word carefully before he said them, “that you’re right when you say you were submissive to Gabriella. In a purely non-sexual, and a completely unhealthy way. What job has she offered you?”
Oh, this wasn’t going to be fun to admit. “She hasn’t offered me any job, yet. Jake thought she might want me to come back as her assistant.”
He nodded slowly. “So, you risked your job at Porteras and your relationship with me to be an assistant to a demanding, borderline abusive boss who calls you until you cry? When you’re already a beauty editor with my publication?”
“Assistant beauty editor,” I reminded him quietly.
“Then maybe it is better that you don’t work for me, after all.”
“You’re right. That was a sad truth we were going to have to face eventually, anyway. I can’t work with you and look out for myself. I’m always going to be in a position where I can spy for you, so I’m always going to be wondering if I should use what I know for me, or for you.”
“Spy for me?” he was audibly disgusted. “I have asked you to do no such thing!”
“You’re asking me to right now!” How couldn’t he see that? “You want me to be your girlfriend some of the time, your employee the rest of the time.”
“You’re asking me the same thing!” His gaze shifted to the door, and he lowered his voice. “You don’t want me to treat you differently than any other employee, but when I don’t listen to your doomsday predictions for the magazine, you’re hurt and offended.”
I was hurt and offended now. Not because he wasn’t right. He was. We were clearly two people who were not equipped to navigate the oceans of ethical problems we had made for ourselves.
“I think our situations are a little different here. I’m making the choice to fight for my forty-thousand a year job, you might take a hit on a few of the millions sitting in your bank account.”
“Billions,” he was infuriatingly quick to correct. “And I regret to inform you that forty-thousand is far less than a few million. I still have more to lose. Besides, do you really believe that you would be in danger of homelessness or starvation if you lost your job?”
“Yes, Neil, that’s what people do! If they don’t have as much as you do, people start to care about losing a paltry sum like forty-thousand dollars!” I didn’t care if Emma overheard, or Sue in the kitchen. “And if they lose their jobs, they sometimes lose their apartments or their friends when they can’t repay rent money.”
He pushed his hand through his hair. I had never seen him this angry, even when we’d argued in the kitchen that morning he’d cut his hand. “And you could prevent all of that from happening with a phone call. If things were really bad, if you were going to be thrown onto the street, you could come to me! But you don’t want to admit it, because you know that if you asked me for anything, if you asked me for a million dollars right this instant, I would give it to you. I would do that because I love you, and that terrifies you because you don’t want to love me!”
