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I looked up. When my eyes met his, I was shocked to see tenderness in his gaze. My entire body was trembling. I was so frustrated at losing his touch that I thought I would weep. Maybe it was the frank way I’d just had to speak to him, or the heightened danger that someone might try to walk into the room and catch us. Maybe it was the entire weekend, full of unfulfilled longing and highly sexual reading material. I was shaking all over, like a drug addict denied a fix.
“Oh, Sophie.” His voice was raw and strained. He looked for a moment as though he didn’t know what to do. Striding over to me, he took my quivering body in his arms and pulled me into his lap as he sat down. His hand found its way between my thighs, gentler this time, his fingertips parting me to circle my clit. I clung to him, my arms around his neck, my face buried against his shoulder, stifling my relieved sobs into his shirt. Tears streamed down my face. I was embarrassed at how much I wanted him, that my emotions had gotten the better of me. I came with a full-body shudder, breathing in the scent of his cologne, reveling in the touch of his bare skin under my wrists.
It was exactly what I needed, to come from his touch, not a plastic toy or my own hand. I needed it to be him, to get my release under his total control.
He smoothed my skirt down and pulled back, just enough that he could look into my eyes. “Better?”
I nodded, a ragged breath escaping me.
“Sophie, I am so sorry.”
I slid from his lap and wiped my eyes, hating that he could plainly see the tear tracks on my cheeks. My makeup would be wrecked, I was sure of it. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry. I swear, I’m not psycho –“
“Of course you’re not.” He seemed put out at the very suggestion.
“This is entirely my fault. I teased you on Friday, sent you home with books to groom you in the submissive mindset then I sprang this on you, knowing that you’re inexperienced. You weren’t at all prepared for what you felt.”
“But it didn’t bother me,” I insisted. It really hadn’t. “If someone told me that getting pushed over a desk and roughly fingered would be the highlight of my workday, I would high-five myself. I can handle this. Really, I can.”
“It isn’t a matter of will power. You needn’t be ashamed. I’m the one who should be.” He examined the spot of mascara on his shirt then carefully donned his jacket to cover it. “It was irresponsible and selfish of me to take things too far, before you were ready.”
I stood awkwardly in front of his desk, not knowing what I should do, or how I should respond. I never felt this way with anyone else. My brain was usually working a mile a minute, staying a few steps ahead. Now, it seemed like it was shut off.
“Will you come over tonight?” He asked, pulling the black key card from his wallet. “To talk? No expectation of sex.”
“Of course.” I took the card from him.
“Good. Right now, I’d like you to take the rest of the day off.”
“That’s not necessary,” I said quickly, swiping at my cheeks. God, I felt like such an ass. “I can pull myself together.”
“I know you can.” He came to stand beside me, his hand on my upper arm, stroking me through my shirt. His voice was low and patient. “This isn’t because of anything you’ve done. It’s because of what I’ve done, and I’d like to make it right. What you’re feeling is the result of bad behavior on my part. It’s called sub drop, I’m sure you read about it in the books I gave you?”
“Yeah.” I had read about it, but I’d kind of skimmed over it. “I thought maybe it wouldn’t apply to me because I’m...”
“Capable of controlling your emotions through sheer force of will?” Neil asked with a raised eyebrow.
I sniffled miserably.
“Sometimes, it’s unavoidable. But this was. I should have taken more time with you before diving straight ahead with all this. And now I’m not able to properly handle the situation because I was stupid enough to cause it at work. Please, take the day off. Consider it a gift from me. You’ll still be paid. I’m sure Deja is more than equipped to run the office for half a day, and we can meet tonight at my suite and talk more. But in the meantime, please take care of yourself. I feel terrible that I can’t do more at the moment.”
“Are you sure?” I was still hesitant to take any special treatment. Going home and getting a hot bath and a nap did sound tempting, though. “I mean, I’ll go, but – “
