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I wondered if Neil’s car could wait until after I dragged him to my bedroom. Probably not, and besides, he had a lunch meeting to attend.
“I’ll see you tonight,” he said from the door. I just grinned in reply.
Holli emerged after he left, and resumed her place holding down the couch.
Now that Neil was gone, I could ask the question I had been dying to ask since the party last night. “So... Deja is cool, huh?”
Holli shrugged. “Yeah, she’s okay.”
That was Holli denial speak for, “I want to marry her and have a million babies and wear matching outfits for our family photos.” But I wasn’t about to point that out, because she might turn it around on me.
“Where did you guys go?” I flopped onto the couch beside her.
“Oh, this really cool twenty-four hour Korean place she knew of. They had the best spicy beef soup.” Holli sighed, her mood turning suddenly glum. “But then... she said it.”
“Oh no.” The dreaded thing that people were always saying to Holli. Or, one of the dreaded things. There were several. “’You’re so lucky?’”
“Yup. ‘Ooh, you’re so lucky, I have to diet all the time.’ Why? Why, when she’s so cool?” Holli shook her head. “I don’t know if I’ll hang out with her again. I’m just getting to the point in my life where I feel like I shouldn’t have to train people to not say stupid shit about my body.”
I chewed my lower lip. Of course, she was right. And I shouldn’t meddle or anything. But they were so alike, they seemed destined for each other.
I supposed I should clue Deja in. Or, I could mind my own damn business. They were both grownups. If Holli didn’t like Deja, it wasn’t as if there weren’t millions of other people in the city to hook up with. If it was going to happen, it would happen on its own. And it wouldn’t happen if I tried to mash them together like two Barbie dolls.
“So, Neil seems pretty cool. And he spent the night,” Holli pointed out, slowly widening her huge eyes before narrowing them to knowing slits. “There’s more to the story here.”
My first instinct was to snap that she should mind her own business because nothing else was going on. Holli was my best friend, she would see through that in a heartbeat.
“Okay, I did notice he was... slightly more affectionate than usual last night. But he’s never not been affectionate toward me. This was different though. He was on drugs from flying and—”
“Oh, he did the ‘I’m so high I’m honest’ thing?” She cringed. “He didn’t say the L-word, right?”
“No, oh god. No, no, no.” I shook my head. “He just said he missed me a lot.”
Holli scoffed. “Oh, that’s not that bad. As long as he didn’t cry or anything.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, but my heart suddenly wasn’t in it. My fuzzy memory of the night started to slowly filter through some really fucking disturbing daylight clarity. I’d made some choices I never would have with another guy, because I was way more comfortable with Neil than I had ever been with another guy. The fact that I didn’t know why— or didn’t want to think about why— didn’t give me a lot of faith in my decision-making skills where he was involved.
In the past, I would have used that as proof that things were moving too fast, that I should put some distance between myself and the object of my confusion. I’d just had a whole week’s worth of distance from Neil, and it hadn’t helped. It had just muddled my brain up even more.
Was I doing what he’d admitted to doing, mixing up the guy I’d fantasized about for years with the man I was just getting to know? I supposed that could have been a part of it. My daydreams had all been strictly confined to sex. I’d never given any thought to what might happen if he really showed up in my life again, or what my feelings might be.
Tempting as it was to spill out all of this to Holli right that second, I wasn’t sure I could face such a conversation with a hangover. I got my coffee and headed back to my room, where I placed the mug on my nightstand and flopped onto my bed. I could smell Neil’s cologne on my pillow. I am not proud of the way I buried my face into the pillowcase and squealed like a teenager, but it happened.
So, things were moving quickly, when I hadn’t expected any change. Was that enough for me to slam on the brakes?
Not even a little bit.
Chapter Thirteen
I decided that Neil’s confusing declaration about how much he missed me had more to do with Klonopin than any amount of actual missing me. To put myself at ease about just how physical and not emotional our relationship was, I planned to show up at his place looking like a sex bomb in mid-explosion.
