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“Just nervous,” I squeaked out, and he didn’t press further.

When we pulled up outside of Dinicio’s, Neil took my hand and kissed it. “I’ll just be around the corner. I can be here at a moment’s notice.”

“Thank you.?

? I smoothed my skirt down. “How do I look?”

“Holli has seen you in your froggy pajamas. I’m fairly certain she’ll love you no matter what you’re wearing,” he said with a hint of sympathetic amusement. “But you look gorgeous as always.”

“Thanks.” I took a deep breath. “Okay. I’m going in.”

Through either design or serendipity, Holli sat in the same booth where we’d had our fight all those months ago. She didn’t look up when I came in, and she was cradling a regulation brown diner mug in her hands as she stared out the window.

I came up to the table, and she glanced up, then did a double take at the sight of me.

“Is this seat occupied?” My joke fell flat when she just nodded.

Holli had looked better. Her blonde hair had grown out, but it hung limp around her face, haunted by curls that had gone flat. Her eyelids were puffy in contrast with the dark circles beneath them. Maybe she’d been just as miserable over this meeting than I had.

“You look good.” She smoothed the front of her black t-shirt. “Sorry, I look terrible, I had an overnight shoot and you know how I can’t sleep during the day.”

“Yeah.” I did know that.

We just looked at each other. Neither of us wanted to address what had gotten us to this point.

But there was no avoiding it. That was the only reason we were here, and the only way we would move forward. So I said, “Look. I should have handled this whole thing better. It wasn’t fair of me to go directly to Neil without talking to you.”

“Then why did you do it?” It was an antagonistic demand, but her heart wasn’t in it. Maybe it was because she was physically tired, or maybe it was that she was as tired as I was of our falling out.

“Because I was learning to be honest. I haven’t been great with that, lately.”

“Neither have I.” She took a shaky breath. “I know that Deja told you I was having a problem with the money—”

“I’m not with him because of his money,” I interjected. I’d been wanting to say that to her since the day we’d fought.

She gave me a tight, closed-lipped smile. “I know. I know you’re not, because I saw everything you went through to be with him. But I wanted to hurt you, so I acted like I thought you were just in it for the cash. And I said hurtful things. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry for getting Deja fired.” I was eager to change the subject from her uncomfortable apology.

“Deja got herself fired.” Holli shook her head and made a noise communicating her disgust. “I told her she couldn’t keep hanging out with Gabriella and working for Neil at the same time. I tried to get her to quit—”

“Wait, you knew about this?” I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. If she had known that Deja was the mole even before I’d gotten fired… “How long have you known?”

“She told me after I got back from London.” The answer came so easily, I had no reason to doubt it. “After she saw how sick Neil was…she just felt really guilty.”

“So why didn’t you tell me?” So much of this entire betrayal thing could have been fixed if she’d just been honest.

“Because it seemed unfair. Neil was dying. And I couldn’t lay all of this on you.” Holli twisted her cheap paper napkin, then dropped it on the table. “What were you going to do? How were you going to deal with that, when you were losing your boyfriend to cancer?”

I couldn’t come up with an answer. All I could think about was what Neil had told me about Valerie, and how he wished he hadn’t told her that he’d cheated on her, because it was unfair to drop bad news on her right before Emma was born.

“You’re right,” I sighed. “That would have destroyed me. But you should have told me after he was in the clear. He got out of the hospital in freaking September. Why not tell me then?”

“There was no way she could have kept her job. I know that sounds shitty, but…” She shrugged. “You chose Neil over me. I chose Deja over you. That’s just how it is, I guess.”

A server stepped over and apologized for our wait. I ordered a slice of pie and a chocolate egg cream.

“Not doing the vegan thing anymore?”

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