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When she turned back, I noticed what her huge purse had hidden before; a swollen belly that her coat didn’t quite close over. Her eyes were filled with fresh tears; one had spilled down her cheek.
Neil’s expression faltered then bent into a smile of sympathy. “It was good to see you. And congratulations.”
She nodded and turned away.
I had no idea what to say to Neil. I lifted the bag. “I bought the baby bikini.”
He broke off his stare to turn to me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran after her.”
I shrugged. “She was in pain. You loved her once, and you wanted to help her. I get it.”
“She thought, naturally…” His gaze dropped to the sidewalk. “Emma hadn’t told her about the pregnancy. She was quite hurt by that.”
We got into the car. Our light, happy Saturday had taken a dark turn. We pulled away from the curb, and Neil said, “There isn’t a woman in my life I haven’t hurt.”
That knocked the wind out of me. I couldn’t argue, because I couldn’t speak.
“Neil, you haven’t hurt me.” I put my hand on his knee.
“Haven’t I?” He didn’t take his eyes from the traffic ahead of us. “I can think of so many times I’ve said something careless. And I threw a wine bottle against the wall and frightened you.”
“I am not going to hold that one against you.” Whatever was said or done out of rape trauma was totally excusable in my book. “Look, there are times when we fight and say hurtful things. All couples do it. You haven’t permanently scarred me or anything. I’ve never been afraid of you. I think you’re just shaken up about seeing your ex-wife, and now, you’re down on yourself because you feel bad.”
He wanted to stay mad at himself, but apparently, I’d talked some sense into him. “You’re right. I was simply unprepared. I hadn’t seen her in a long time.”
I felt a little sick to my stomach. Valerie was the mother of his child, but Elizabeth was the woman he’d married. He’d felt the same way about her then as he felt for me now. And it had all ended.
“Hey, can you promise me something?” I asked, and without waiting for an answer, I blurted, “I don’t want to ever run into you with your new girlfriend. I think it would literally kill me.”
“Oh, darling, why would you say something like that?” He looked at me then darted his eyes quickly back to the road. “I’m about to marry you.”
“Yeah, but you married Elizabeth,” I reminded him. “I just want to know that I’m never going to be the woman standing on the sidewalk, seeing her ex-husband with his fiancé and trying not to cry in public.”
“Obviously, neither of us can predict the future. I certainly didn’t intend to divorce Elizabeth. But I am more in love with you than I have ever been with anyone else. If something wants to break us up, I’ll fight it tooth and claw.” He swore at the light that turned red just before he reached it.
Even with the caveat about not being able to predict the future, that was a comfort.
“Do you wish things had worked out between you and Elizabeth?” I asked. I braced myself for any answer, because I honestly didn’t know what I would hear. After a lot of therapy, Neil had finally stopped lying to me about his emotions.
“No.” There was no hesitation. “I’m glad they went the way they did, because it would have been quite messy if we were still married and I’d found you again at Porteras.”
“I wouldn’t have fucked my married boss, for one,” I said dryly.
“I wouldn’t have been married for long.”
The light changed, and we were off, as though we were pulling away from that very important, very emotionally confusing statement.
“What do you mean?” I asked cautiously.
“I would have left Elizabeth,” he said, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. I gaped at him, unable to form a response. He took advantage of the silence to explain further. “The moment I saw you standing in the office, I want
ed to grab you and kiss you like we were in a movie. Obviously, I couldn’t, because I didn’t know if you even remembered me. And Elwood and Stern has very strict sexual harassment policies.”
“So, you would have just dropped your wife?” That seemed so insane. “You had no guarantee that we were going to work out.”
“We would have,” he said easily, as though our circumstances wouldn’t have been totally different. “I’ve been in love with you since ten minutes after I met you. We’re meant for each other.”
Tears rose in my eyes, making them all hot and itchy. Maybe it was just allergies. He was right, we were meant for each other. If I believed in soul mates—and I didn’t— I would say that was what Neil and I were.
