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And because I was terrible, because I was an awful, hateful daughter, I called after her, “Why don’t you talk to Tony about it? Because he’s known for a long time.”
She hesitated just a moment but didn’t look back at me. She stormed out and slammed the door behind her.
I stood, staring in disbelief at the swaying Roman shades. My pulse pounded in my ears. My body went numb.
“Sophie?” El-Mudad asked cautiously.
“Yeah. I’m all right,” I said, my voice hollow. I both believed and doubted that statement. My chest ached and my eyes watered, but more than anything I felt...tired. And relieved. The worst thing that could have possibly happened had already happened. It was over. And it had gone as badly as the worst possible thing could have.
He came to stand beside me and put his hand on my arm. “I don’t think you are. And if you are, I’m worried for you.”
“You don’t have to worry.” I shook myself out of my trance. My sadness crushed me, but not in a way I could explain, tempered as it was with the inevitability of the whole thing. “Let’s get the quiche out before it burns.”
His brow crumpled in concern, and with a grimace of resolve, he kissed my cheek before going to the oven.
“Be careful. You’re half-naked,” I reminded him. Because I’d certainly forgotten how I was dressed at the moment. I’d just stood there in my underwear and had a huge fight with my mother. “You know...I am tired of people walking in on me having sex and vice versa.”
“You’re the only person I know who has this problem,” El-Mudad said with a quiet laugh, as though he wasn’t sure if my mood would allow a bit of humor.
“I need to learn to knock. Mom needs to learn to knock.” I finally understood Neil’s frustration. “You know, if she had just minded her own business, if she hadn’t just barged in, this wouldn’t even have been an issue.”
“Eventually, it would have been,” he said, sliding on an oven mitt. “I think you assumed that we could hide forever.”
I shook my head. “No. I didn’t. I knew eventually someone was going to find out. I knew my mom was going to find out, for sure. She already suspected something. But I can’t understand why she would think that of me. I’ve never once been tempted to cheat on Neil. Anything we’ve done outside our marriage has always been mutually consensual.” I paused. “Not that you’re outside our marriage, El-Mudad. You know that.”
“I do.” He still sounded sad. I couldn’t blame him; there was no way all three of us could be married. He would always be left out in an official capacity.
It struck me then, observing him set our breakfast on a trivet on the island, swearing under his breath a little, that certificate or not, I thought of him as my husband now as much as Neil was. We’d been living together for just four months, but El-Mudad already felt less like a boyfriend and more like a permanent fixture, ‘til death may we part.
Maybe that was why I wasn’t as upset over Mom’s rejection as I seemingly should have been. I knew she would come around. I’d believed her when she’d told me over and over again throughout my childhood that there was nothing I could do to lose her love. It stung me deeply that she wasn’t as accepting of my sexuality as I’d thought she was, and that she would probably never be okay with our relationship with El-Mudad. But I knew for sure that my mother would never stop loving me. There was no risk for me at all in the situation, other than lifelong awkwardness. I would gladly accept that for him.
“At the risk of ruining Neil’s weekend, I think we should call him,” El-Mudad said quietly.
“You’re right.” I sighed. “The one night he gets out to spend time with Rudy in months, and I have to cause drama.”
“Sophie, you didn’t start this. Your mother did.” His voice rose a little. He was usually so calm and reasonable in crisis situations. Except for our giant blow up over Valerie a few months earlier, he’d been totally chill. He corrected himself quickly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t criticize her.”
“Criticize away,” I said, sweeping my arm in an invitation. “Neil is going to. He’s going to freak out as you’ve never seen before.”
“All the more reason for me to remain neutral and silent on that subject. My main concern is you. That was heated.” He took a knife from the drawer and sliced into the quiche. I went to get plates.
“Yeah, it got heated, but no more so than some other fights we’ve had.” I couldn’t think of any at that moment, but I was sure it had happened. “You should have heard the fights we had over me dating Neil.”
