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She doesn’t reply, but kisses me quickly and physically spins me toward the security line. Her statement replays in my head, and an uneasy feeling settles in my gut. It wasn’t only the look on her face or the tone in her words; it was the fear of it all.
The entire process through security, getting to my gate, and boarding are all a blur as I try to think of a way to ease her anxiety. A million things come to mind, but none of them will work until I get back to Charlotte and put that ring on her finger.
When the plane lands in Miami, I get a reminder text from Gail that a car is waiting to take me straight to the hospital. I also see several texts from Sasha, asking about my arrival and picking her up, the last one saying she’ll meet me. Gail explained I was in-flight.
The whole ride, I remember my conversation with my mom as I stare out the window.
“Shaw, you’re juggling a lot of balls in the air right now. At some point, they will fall. You have to figure out exactly how you plan to move forward.”
“I have a plan in place.”
“No, what you have is an idea of a plan. You have no idea how much your life is about to change. Your plan will go to shit. You’ve been living in a realm of denial.”
“How can you say that? Since the day I found out I was the father, I’ve taken steps to ensure my responsibility. I haven’t denied anything. And my plan is evolving.”
“Do you really think shuffling a newborn back and forth is the best thing for the baby? What about if Sasha chooses to breastfeed, or God forbid, there are any complications? I saw it that day at lunch. You’re checked out on this, Shaw. You’re assuming responsibility, but you’re not truly understanding. For pete’s sake, you can hardly look the mother of your child in the eye.”
“I can’t stand her! You know what she did to Bizzy. You saw how callous and self-absorbed she is. Her whole life is about entitlement. There’s not one good thing I can say about her.”
“That’s a problem, a big problem, and only defends my statement about not truly understanding. You tell us how ashamed you are, how hard you’ve been on yourself… All of that’s fine and good, but you have to find somewhere in yourself to gain some sort of kindness toward Sasha. That’s the only way this will ever work.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Call me tomorrow after your appointment. Let’s see where your feelings are at that time. Then we can try to really work through this.”
“What about Bizzy?”
“She’s one of the biggest balls you’re juggling here. I personally can’t believe she’s stuck around for all this. Don’t get me wrong, but even the strongest bond between you two is about to be tested. I love her like my own, you know this, so I have a stake in her happiness as well. To be honest, I’m not sure how she can be happy right now. She’s twenty-four years old, and she’s faced with a lifetime of being reminded of your mistakes.”
“Jesus, Mom. You’re cutting me deep here.”
“I’m sorry, Crenshaw, but it’s the truth. She has her whole life ahead of her. She’s so full of love and goodness. You’re asking her to join you in raising a child that isn’t hers by a woman who hates her. Will she ever truly be okay with this?”
“Her love and goodness is exactly why I need her. She’s the most precious thing in my life.”
“That’s about to change.”
“I want to marry her. I’m going to ask her soon, just waiting for the right time.”
“Honey, I hate to be crass and insensitive, but you gave up what you wanted the night you decided to have sex with Sasha Crane.”
“Mr. Bennett, we’re here.” The driver pulls me out of my thoughts. “I was told to wait for you.”
“Yes, thanks.” I open the door and step out. Even in November, the heat in Miami is still stifling. Beads of sweat form on my head and roll down my back.
I instantly miss the cooler weather I left behind in Charlotte.
That’s not the only thing I miss.
The waiting room is almost empty when I walk in. The receptionist recognizes me and gestures to the side door. She gives me a sweet smile that I can barely return as I follow her down the hallway. When we
get to the exam room, she knocks then opens, waving me in.
Sasha lays on the table in a position I’m now used to seeing. Her mom is seated next to the bed, excitement rolling off her.
“You made it. I was sure you’d come in earlier today.” Sasha doesn’t hide her frustration.
“Told you I had to reschedule some meetings,” I answer blandly, not taking her bait.
