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My heart drops at the assumptions he’s jumping to. I wrestle my arms free and grasp his cheeks, scraping my fingernails in his stubble the way he likes. “No, sweetheart, it’s none of those. I’m still cancer-free, there is no other man on this earth for me but you, and you’re never too rough with me. I thought it was hot. The hottest sex I’ve ever had.”
“Well, what is it? Why have you been so closed off?”
I take a deep breath and lay my forehead against his. “I freaked out when you mentioned children.” I rush through the admission.
“You don’t want children?” There’s confusion in his question.
“I do. More than anything, I want children with you.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I don’t know if I can have children. The chemo may have damaged my ability to get pregnant. I’ve never had a reason to check into it before, but I’ve always known it was a possibility I’d have fertility issues.” I brace, ready for any reaction.
“So, we’ll adopt.”
My head snaps up in disbelief. “What?”
“We adopt if you can’t have children. That’s a simple solution.”
“You’d do that? Don’t you want your own children?”
“Well, that’s a double-sided question. Yes, I’d adopt. As for my own children, of course I want my own, but I want my own with you. So if you can’t get pregnant, we become parents a different way.”
Tears cloud my vision as a small cry escapes.
“Jesus Christ, you thought I’d have a different reaction?”
“I didn’t know how you’d feel. It’s a scary thing to know I may not be able to give you what you want.”
“What the fuck, Bizzy? All I want is you. What do I have to do to prove that?”
“You prove it every day, but I freaked out when you mentioned kids. The thought of disappointing you, or not being able to give you the family you want, hit me hard.”
“You’ve grossly misread me. There’s nothing in this world that will change the way I feel about you and the depth of my devotion. When you’re ready, we’ll try the old fashioned way. We’ll see specialists. I’ll pay for the best treatments money can buy. We’ll travel the world to meet with fertility doctors if it comes to it. But in the end, I’ll be happy with adopting as many children as you want. As long as we do it together.” He swipes the tears from my cheeks and kisses each one.
“These last few days have been pure hell. Don’t do this shit again.”
“I’m so sorry. It was weighing on my mind, and I was trying to find a way to approach the subject.”
“How about we approach it head on. When it comes to you, I’ll go to the ends of the earth to make you smile. Nothing’s going to tear us apart, especially not something like this. These are hypotheticals.”
“They are complete hypotheticals. I’ll talk to my doctor at my next appointment and see what they recommend. There are lots of tests we can run.”
A grin forms on his lips. “Are you saying you’re ready to start the baby making process right now?”
“No!” I swat at his chest.
His hips buck into my ass as he wiggles his eyebrows. “I’m game if you are.”
“No,” I repeat, shaking my head.
He flips us so I’m on my back, pinned underneath him. His eyes roam over my face, sending a flutter through me.
“I’ll say it again. Don’t hide this stuff. We are building a life here together, and there’s no room for fear or uncertainty. Trust me to take care of you.”
“The same goes for you.”
“That’s why nothing will tear us apart. Ever.”
