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“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Her words hang in the air, and I know she’s right. I need to change my attitude.
“I’ll clear your schedule for the afternoon. I think you need to go home.”
“Thanks, Gail.” I pat her hand still on my shoulder.
She leaves me alone, and instead of calling Caldwell, I pack up to leave, checking my watch. Bizzy worked last night, and if I get home soon, she’ll hopefully still be sleeping. I want to crawl in bed and cradle her in my arms. She’ll know what to say.
“I agree with Gail,” Bizzy says into my chest as I run my hands through her hair.
She’s lying on top of me on the sofa, and I just finished telling her about the events of the morning.
“Tell me what to do.”
“Make it all about the baby.”
“How?”
I feel her breath hitch and a tear drop on my chest. But nothing prepares me for what she says next.
“Pretend it’s me. Pretend I am having your baby.”
My heart stops at her words, and I still my hands. It takes me a second to gather my thoughts.
“That’s impossible. When you have my baby, I’ll be by your side every second. You won’t be able to breathe without me in your space. Pretty sure you’ll have to surgically remove me from your ass.”
She chuckles and leans up, her eyes shining with tears. “I wouldn’t go that far, but you need to take a larger action in her prenatal care. Ask her how she’s doing. Maybe read a few books. Try to take an interest in her general wellbeing.”
“That’ll be hard, considering I can’t stand her.”
“You have to suck it up, Shaw, for the sake of the baby.”
I listen to what she’s saying, but I also hear the hurt and anguish in her voice. Then I realize I’ve been so focused on the ‘now’, I haven’t focused on our future. “Bizzy, I’ve begged for you to stay with me, but I’ve been selfish. You do know I’m going to need you, right?”
“You and Sasha will figure it out. Having a baby will be hard, but it will be beautiful.”
“What are you saying?”
“Late nights, early mornings, pediatrician appointments… all of it will be crazy. Sometimes, it will be maddening and chaotic, but you’ll get through it. You’re the type of man who will figure it out.”
“I’ll figure it out with you by my side.”
“You’ll figure it out regardless. But for now, you need to form a truce with Sasha.”
“I can’t believe this. Out of everything that’s happened, you’re so selfless and kind. How did I get so lucky?”
“You’re having a baby with Satan. I wouldn’t call that luck.”
I flinch at her statement. There’s a hint of something in her tone, something I don’t recognize. It’s not hurt, anger, or disgust. It sounds like betrayal.
“Damn, baby, kick me when I’m down.”
“I’m sorry, Shaw.” She lifts up, moving off my chest and scooting to the other end of the couch.
I go on alert, noticing the change in her instantly. She jerks her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around herself protectively. My first instinct is to haul her back to me, but instead, I stay put, waiting.
“That was uncalled for, but not untrue. I’ve done a lot of thinking lately, and I’ve decided that I’m not moving in yet. This is a delicate and confusing time, and I’d like to think about exactly how we should proceed.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” My heart doesn’t start racing; instead, it thunders in my chest so hard, my temple starts to tick. I bolt up and reach for her, but she holds out a hand to stop me.
