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“At first, there was nothing to talk about, then as our relationship went on, things have always been crazy. Grace ran away then got engaged and married. You had shared custody of a newborn and were adjusting to a new life. Then you got pregnant and had Brinley. Not to mention the Super Bowl. It’s been busy.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs. You needed me.”
“I hope I always need you,” I whisper honestly.
“What can we do?” Grace whispers back.
“Nothing, it’s done. Mathis is the most wonderful man in the world. He’s a kick-ass doctor, an excellent person, and an amazing friend. We’ll get back to that place. You guys don’t need to worry.”
“How can you just give up?” Bizzy asks.
“I’m not giving up. I’m forcing myself to move on. He doesn’t love me in the way I want to be loved. I’ve had a good time, but he’s given me all he can. We had a great go of things, and I’ll never regret it.”
“What do I do with this? I love him and I love you. You can’t be over.”
“Biz, how long were you with Shaw before he said he loved you?”
“Don’t do that. It’s not fair. We’re a different story.”
I switch my glare to Grace. “How long for you?”
She darts her eyes around the room, avoiding the question.
“See, you both had it all. I thought I had it all, too. I was satisfied with waiting because Mathis is intense. I love him and thought that was enough.
“Claire—” Grace tries to interrupt.
“No, Grace, you don’t understand.” The wine finally kicks in, and my lips are loose. “Your man followed you across the globe. Bizzy and Shaw went through heavy shit, and Shaw made sure she was okay. Mathis let me go over and over. He’s never once made me number one. I jumped him at Bizzy’s wedding, risking years of pent-up aggression. He took me for what it was, for who I was.”
“He finally got his head together. You’ve been a couple ever since,” Grace reasons.
I give her a small smile, knowing she’s trying to make sense of this. “He did, and I have loved every minute with him. We ignite together. That was never a problem, and until recently, I thought it was enough. But something snapped the other night. He said it wasn’t working, and I saw myself in the same position as before. I was ready to bolt. When he told me ‘double occupancy’ was a problem, it was like he was annoyed with the inconvenience. And when I realized I’d never get the true love story, something in me… died. He’s not my guy. Maybe, in truth, I’m not the woman he needs.”
“What about the whole ‘timing doesn’t mean anything to these guys? One week could equal one month, one year, one decade’.” Grace once again repeats what I told her, referring to Nick and Shaw’s rapid speed in their pursuits.
“Peach Princess, it’s been almost six years. I think we can safely say I don’t get that same treatment.” I try to find a way to be strong but choke on my words.
In an instant, Bizzy is on me, her arms around my shoulders, and I do the unthinkable.
I fall apart, clutching to her for comfort. I weep for the years of hurt and sorrow, the times I never let myself mourn the crush I had that was so deep.
“He didn’t want me…” I rasp.
Grace joins us at my side.
“He didn’t chase me… “He let me go on dates, to Charlotte for eight weeks. He didn’t care.” I can’t go on because remembering all the times Mathis has rejected me scorches in my veins. Sobs rack my body. Bizzy and Grace are no help because they’re crying equally as hard.
“Why didn’t you talk to us?” Grace asks in a hoarse voice.
“There was nothing to say.”
“This ends here. You’ve been holding back some pretty deep feelings.”
I pull away from their embrace and wipe my face. “I think it all bubbled to the surface.”
“Are you truly ready for this to be over?”
“No, but I have no choice. My two best friends are married and having children while I’m still having sleepovers with my boyfriend.”
