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“That’s what you said. It’s not working.”
He sighs, and I can picture him running his right hand through his hair as he always does when something frustrates him.
“I was talking about our living situation. You were so exhausted when I got home, you didn’t even know where you were. That’s insane. With our schedules, all this going from one place to the other needs to stop.”
I ignore how much his words hurt. He still refers to us living together as a convenience. Bizzy and Claire’s pleas to talk to him replay in my mind, and I forge ahead.
“Do you remember the last time you said ‘it’s not working’?” I ask him, holding my breath.
“I’m sure I say it all the time. I work in medicine.”
“You said it to me that night in Tallahassee when you decided my coming to work at the hospital could jeopardize your status.”
The line is silent for a beat and then he explodes. “Fucking Christ, Claire! That is not what I meant, and you know it. How do you remember that?”
“Because it was one of the most horrible nights of my life. I’ll never forget the words you used,” I tell him honestly.
“I thought we were past this. It was years ago.”
I laugh, but it’s not a laugh of comedy; it’s cynical. “Such a guy thing to say.”
“Claire, this is ridiculous. Tell me the address.”
“No, Mathis, you want to talk, we’ll talk. But I can’t see you right now. You’ve always been my weakness, and now that I’ve made this decision, I can’t be weak.”
“What decision is that?”
“You know,” I barely whisper, my throat closing.
“Dammit. We’re not over. No matter what craziness you have in your head, we are not over.”
“I’m not crazy, Mathis. I’m realistic. We both need to move on.”
“For fuck’s sake! I’m not letting you do this, Claire. We’re good together.”
“Yeah, we were, but I’m not sure we’re going in the same direction.”
“What direction is that? I asked you to move in with me.”
“No! You didn’t.” The fire in my gut begins to flame, and my attitude comes alive. “You told me the double occupancy thing was a pain in your ass! You didn’t ask me shit. You didn’t even do the whole Bennett brother, ‘I’m going to wear you down until I convince you’ thing. You made it sound like an inconvenience.”
“Bennett brother thing?” He sounds confused.
“Yes!”
“What the hell is that?”
“I’m not getting into this, Mathis. Let’s not end on a bad note.”
“As far as I’m concerned, we’re not ending at all. Ever.”
A spark of something stirs inside at the sound of his determination. I’ve heard it before, the night of the football game when he told me he was done fucking around. But I can’t allow myself to hope.
“I’m going to go now. I’ll see you at the hospital.”
“No, Claire, you’ll see me everywhere. Get ready because this isn’t over.”
I hang up before I tumble stupidly into the trap that will undoubtedly shatter me apart again.
