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Chapter 9
Wynona
Huh.
I haven’t felt this satisfied since...
My eyes snap open.
Oh, no. Oh, hell no.
I’ve had some crazy-realistic dreams. I’ve made my fair share of stupid mistakes.
But this?
No way. No fucking way.
I did not just sleep with Emerson Storm.
But the memory of his strong tanned arms, his tousled blond hair, hell, his smell which still lingers in my bed—there’s no denying it.
I just fucking slept with Emerson Storm.
I woke up as peaceful and serene as if I were in Heaven. Now, the churning horror in my gut sends me straight to Hell.
How could I have done this? How could I have betrayed myself like this?
A single self-pitying tear streams down my cheek. I can’t believe I didn’t have enough self-respect to avoid sleeping with the man who broke my heart.
The only good thing about this is that I’m in my own room. I won’t have to do a walk of shame down the hotel hallway.
Not that it matters. I’ve got a whole body full, a whole mind full of shame already, thank you very much.
I let the tears come, and soon, I’m sobbing in my bed like a complete train wreck.
Eventually, I collect myself and wipe away my tears.
Okay, Wynona, no time for a pity party. Think. There has to be something you can do other than scream-crying into your pillow.
But Jesus, this was the one thing, the one thing I swore to myself that I’d never let myself do. This was the one thing I’d prided myself on in the midst of so many relationship failures and weaknesses.
That I’d never gone crawling back to him. I’d never made that mistake again.
And here I am now, back in the thick of it, wandering down the hallway to the only place I can.
“Hey?” Josie says, opening the door.
“Sorry,” I say. “It’s early?”
“Early,” she repeats groggily, still in the same pajamas. Yep, my sister has a gift for sleeping. “What’s up?”
“Nothing,” I say with a peppiness that even she is bound to see through. “Just thought that it might be nice to talk.”
“Nice to talk?” Josie says, eyes blinking blearily. “Hmm. All right. Having fun?”
“Yep,” I say. “I went on a boat ride and saw some dolphins last night.”
“Dolphins!” That wakes her up. “Ugh, and I slept right through your trying to invite me, didn’t I? They were super cute, weren’t they?”
“Yes and yes,” I tell her. “And the food here is really great, too.”
“Awesome,” she says. “Okay, I’m definitely not sleeping through tomorrow. And Emerson?”
I realize now that I’ve been standing up. I flop onto the bed.
God, what was I thinking, heading to Josie’s room just now? As if I’d be able to blab on about the hotel without him coming up.
“Wynona?” Josie asks, a concerned note in her voice and eyes. “Is it hard?”
I swallow.
Say something, you idiot.
But I can’t.
I can’t lie to Josie. God, she’s my twin, my sister. She’ll see right through it even if she is hella sleepy.
“I... I just made a really big fucking mistake, Josie.”
“Shit.” Now she’s completely awake. She opens the door wider. “Do you need to crash here?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, I’ll deal. I just—I can’t believe I fell for it again. Made the exact same fucking mistake.”
“Are you sure that it’s a mistake?”
“Jesus, Josie, this is Emerson Storm we’re talking about. He dumped me, and since then, not a word from him. And now he shows up acting all sorry and interested, and I just fall for it?”
Silence.
Even my cheery sister is clean out of cheery things to say.
“I’m a fool,” I say before a ragged sob.
“Maybe he meant it?” Josie says quietly, her hand going to my arm.
“That’s not the issue,” I snap.
“Then what is?” Josie grumbles back. “If he really is sorry and interested and has changed, then what’s the problem?”
“Don’t you get it?” I say. “I can’t trust him. Not after what he did. What happens the next time things get tough and he thinks he knows what’s best for me and ends things again? I can’t have my life turned upside-down by him again, Jos, I just can’t. It took me too long and too much work to build up my life to where it is now. My business, my fitness, my finances. I’ll be damned if I let some guy screw me over and ruin all that.”
“But you don’t have to—”
“Josie,” I hiss. “You were there. You saw how I lost everything. Everything. My shitty job. The few friends I had left. My apartment. A year gone, spent moping around, hardly able to do anything. That was the legacy of Emerson Storm. That was what our breakup did to me.”
“Not just that,” Josie says quietly.
“What?”
“It wasn’t just that,” she argues. “Yeah, things went downhill for a year or so, but after that, Wynona, I’d never seen you so determined. Maybe you let your life be destroyed at first, what was left of it, but after that, you built it right back up, even better than before. You started your tattoo business. You went to the gym so often that Sierra and I started to worry. You got Maude.”
