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I brushed the pad of my thumb across her trembling lip, and then cupping the back of her head, pulled her into my chest. Her arms wrapped around my waist and she squeezed so hard I had a hard time breathing. But as she stood there squeezing me with the strength of ten pythons, I told her, “It may feel that way now, but I swear to you, it’s not over. And your career isn’t over. So, if you want to invest in yourself in the meantime, then by all means, go for it. Give up Thai food, although I can’t figure out why you would ever want to do that. You want to hike the Appalachian Trail? Start off by taking a stroll through the neighborhood. Do yoga. Read a self-help book. Watch the sun come up. I’ll support anything you want to do.”
She tipped her head back, the tiniest of grins on her face. “Anything?”
I nodded. “Anything and everything.”
“Even becoming a nun?”
I frowned. “Do they ever let you leave the convent?”
She lifted a shoulder. “Don’t think so.”
“Then I guess I’ll just have to go to seminary school and make sure we end up in the same place.”
The tiny grin was now a full-blown smile as she said, “I think the only place we’re going to end up in is hell.”
I winked. “As long as we’re together, I don’t care how damn hot it gets in the summer down there.”
39
Piper
The days were a blur, so much so that I wasn’t even sure how many had passed since that board hearing. Despite my best efforts, I was thrust back into the days after Jack’s death, when we had all tried to find our new normal and had failed so miserably at it.
The death of my career wasn’t the heartbreak losing my brother was, but it was a loss all the same and I was finding I couldn’t shake the despair that had settled into my bones. I knew Jack would never be disappointed in me, but I still felt like I was letting him down. My parents had lost one of their children. Wasn’t it my job to live my life for the both of us?
I hadn’t wanted to admit it at the time, but Lawson was right. I needed to deal with my brother’s death. Now that I’d found myself with more free time than I could possibly occupy on my hands, I should have made it a priority. But I was somewhat ashamed to say I hadn’t.
The week following the board hearing was filled with appointments with my attorney, conversations with Pieters and Lawson that felt more like interrogations and more frustration than I’d ever experienced.
Not having a rigid routine, something that had been a part of my daily life since I’d graduated high school, was making the depression I’d sunken into even worse.
At the urging of everyone, mainly Lawson who I was beginning to think was getting tired of me, though he would never admit it, the second week was filled with mindless tasks meant to keep me busy enough that I wouldn’t realize I was depressed.
It didn’t work.
But I had to admit, I’d felt better the last few days and with each passing day, the fog that had been clouding my mind was lifting. I’d even begun fulfilling my promise to Lawson that I was going to invest in myself. I’d started with an appointment to a therapist that had come highly recommended from a former colleague. It had been difficult, to put it nicely. I’d ended up crying for the entire hour, and then needed to kill time before going home so as to not raise Lawson’s suspicions. Or worse, make him worry. I’d done enough of that the last few weeks.
And although I hadn’t given up Thai food and was currently heating up leftovers for the third day in a row, I’d just gotten back from a yoga class. I considered the fact I’d even worked up the nerve to go as a victory, even though I was never going to go back. Apparently, you had to be flexible to do seventy-five percent of the poses and I was about as limber as a pine tree.
I was contemplating going for a walk when I heard Lawson’s office door creak open. I breathed a sigh of relief that I wouldn’t have to make good on that idea. It was hot outside, and it seemed that mosquitos thought my blood was nectar of the gods. I shouted down the hall. “Making dinner. Want some?”
I was answered by the sound of footsteps coming down the hall. When he rounded the corner, his nose crinkled and he shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll ever eat pad Thai again. Aren’t you sick of it by now? How about if I order a pizza?”
I shrugged as I shoveled a forkful of noodles into my mouth. “Just enjoying as much as I can before I’m sentenced to years of prison food.”
Lawson sighed and propped a hip against the counter. “You’re not going to prison.”
I took another bite, and pointing my fork at him, said around a mouthful of chicken, “The magic eight ball I consulted last night said that all signs point to yes.”
He reached over and snagged a shrimp and popped it into his mouth.
I slapped at his hand. “Hey! I thought you said you didn’t want any.”
“Where did you get a magic eight ball?”
“After my spin class I went to the toy store and bought some stuff.”
His eyes bulged as he choked on the crustacean he’d stolen from me. I refrained from telling him he deserved it as he said, “Spin class? Since when do you go to spin class?”
