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“Don’t! Don’t go on...with that,” she pleaded brokenly.
“I can imagine the disappointment but at least it happened quickly,” Megan said more gently. “And the doctor said there was no reason why you shouldn’t try again.”
Peta shut her mind to the argument. Everything within her recoiled from trying again. It felt wrong. Even if Matt could forgive her the hurts she’d inflicted... no, she couldn’t do it.
Megan kept on talking at her.
Peta sat in pained silence, waiting for her to run down. Eventually she did, having nailed all the nails she’d come to hammer into her sister’s conscience. She’d done a good job of it, Peta thought with sad and bitter irony. Too good. There was no going back from here. It wasn’t a marriage of convenience anymore, not with Matt’s love involved.
“You’ve driven Matt away from you,” Megan concluded. “If you want to get him back—and you’d be a fool not to—you’ve got to give him a reason to...”
“No,” she cut in, meeting her sister’s eyes with firm decision.
Megan leaned forward in earnest. “Peta, you won’t find a better man.”
“It’s no good,” she answered bleakly. “I’d keep on hurting him. And I don’t want to.”
“If you just...”
“No. Go home, Megan. You’ve done what you came to do.”
“But, Peta, if you let him go...”
“As I am right now, he’s better off without me.” She couldn’t even satisfy him in bed. The lust they had shared wasn’
t in her anymore. “I won’t lie to Matt. He’d know anyway.” She stood up, feeling a draining sense of futility. “Please... I would like you to leave now.”
Megan was frowning heavily. “You mean...all I’ve said doesn’t make any difference to you?” she cried in frustration.
“You’ve made me see...what I was too blind to see. And I wish it could be different. But it isn’t.”
She stepped away, finishing the conversation by moving through the living room to the entrance hallway, giving Megan little choice but to follow. She did. Peta held the door open for her. Megan paused, still frowning.
“What will you do now?” she queried worriedly.
“Have a shower, get dressed, have something to eat, go for a ride on my bike.”
The frown deepened. “Where?”
“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.” Peta managed a crooked smile. “Maybe I’ll find myself along the way.”
“I care about you.” It was a burst of concern.
“It’s all right, Megan,” she assured her sister softly. “Thanks for coming. Thanks for saying all you’ve said. It did make me see.”
Megan looked as if the stuffing had been knocked out of her. She heaved a long, ragged sigh then tried to fix some resolution. “Call me. Let me know you’re all right.”
“I will,” Peta promised.
It was little enough but Megan took it and left, accepting there was no more to be done with all the will in the world.
Peta shut the door and leaned back against it, completely spent. Matt had shut this door on her last night. She’d driven him away and no matter how empty her life felt, she could not go to him, not to use him as she had, ill-using him in the end.
She knew how it felt to be cheated in love.
She wouldn’t do it to him.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
