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She broke off because he was wrapping her braid around one hand, while his other hand trailed down her shoulder.
"Why is it that even though you have a child I get the feeling that you know nothing about men?"
"I know everything about men," she said, trying to tighten her lips into a line. "I know that they are liars and cannot be trusted, that they take everything from a woman and leave her nothing. I know they… they…" His hands were on her neck now, and she turned her head away. "Please don't do that," she whispered. "Please."
Abruptly, he dropped his hands, but he didn't step away from her. "You're free," he said. "Free to go wherever you want."
Kathryn started to step away, but then she turned and looked up at his face. The room was dark except for the soft glow from the lantern; she could feel the heat rising from the stove. And the Christmas decorations she and the boys had hung about the room gave it a festive, happy look. Outside a bolt of lightning flashed, making her jump, and when she did, she came in contact with Cole's big body, his clothing still wet and cold, but she could feel the heat from his body as though he were a raging fire.
Her mistake was in looking up at his face as another flash of lightning illuminated it, and all she could think of was that first day and his lips on hers. Without conscious thought, Kathryn's arms went around his neck, and she kissed him with all the pent-up desire that had built in her over the weeks. No, the desire that had built up over years was in her lips.
For a second, Cole pulled back from her, then looked at her in puzzlement because she kissed like a child, with her lips tightly closed. With great pleasure he showed her how to open her mouth under his, and when the tip of his tongue touched hers, she seemed to melt into his arms.
"Kathryn," he whispered as he buried his face in her neck. "I have dreamed of you every night and every day. I've thought of nothing else except you since that first day. I can't fight you anymore. We must—"
With a great push, she got away from him. "No," she said, moving away, her breast heaving. "Don't say any more. You mustn't say any more. There cannot be anything between us."
Cole was smiling at her and slowly moving closer. "I know that there have been some unusual things between us, and maybe I shouldn't have thought you were trying to trick me into hiring you, but I really did think you'd tried to play me for a fool. And can you blame me for being angry? There I'd found who I thought was the one woman for me, only to find out that she was a conniving little actress, so I—"
"Don't come any closer," Kathryn said under her breath.
"Sweetheart, I plan to get a lot closer than this," he said as he reached out for her, then only smiled when she moved to the other side of the kitchen. "Look, honey, I'll court you if that's what you want. I'll buy you flowers and candy and—"
"No!" Kathryn said fiercely. "You can't. We can't. You don't know—" Suddenly her head felt as though it were going to explode. In Philadelphia she had dreamed of falling in love with a man and having a complete family, but now she knew what it felt like to love a man, for only love could make her feel this awful. And with the knowledge of love, she knew something else: She knew that she could not endanger Cole and Zachary. She and Jeremy were already in danger, and it must not extend further.
"What in the world makes you think I'd ever be interested in a cowboy like you?" she said, with a toss of her head that she hoped looked convincing. "Look at yourself. You smell like horses, and I doubt if you've ever read a book in your life and—"
She didn't say any more as Cole pulled her into his arms and kissed her until she could hardly breathe. When he moved his mouth away, she was limp in his arms, her eyes closed.
"I don't know why I ever thought you could have been a good actress," he said softly as he began to kiss her neck. When she didn't respond, Cole swept her up into his arms and carried her up the stairs to his room, where he gently laid her on his bed.
"But I… We…"
"Shhh," he said, kissing her as he quickly stripped off his cold, wet clothes, then climbed into bed beside her. When a flash of lightning illuminated the room and he saw Kathryn's expression as she saw his nude body, he smiled. "You'd think you'd never seen a naked man before."
"I haven't," she said without thinking, as he started unbuttoning her dress and kissing the skin that was exposed, inch by slow inch.
He chuckled at her words. "And was Jeremy's father some phantom lover, a man you never saw?" he asked as his hands moved over her breasts.
Kathryn didn't answer, but closed her eyes as she felt the new sensations of this man's touch.
Then abruptly, Cole stopped touching her and leaned over her, staring down into her eyes. "How did you get pregnant with Jeremy?" he asked forcefully.
Turning her head away, Kathryn wouldn't look at him, then she drew her dress together and started to get off the bed, but Cole stopped her.
"The bastard," he said under his breath, and those words told that he knew how Kathryn had been made pregnant. After a moment, Cole slowly began to kiss her neck again. But when she didn't respond, he took her face in his hands and looked at her. "You may not think so, but I'm an honorable man. I keep my word. Kathryn," he said with his eyes piercing into hers, "I love you. I think I fell in love with you that first day when you saved my life. I knew I had never kissed anyone who made me feel as you did, and that's why, la
ter, when I thought you were just one of the girls from town, I was in a rage."
He was caressing her cheek and neck, and Kathryn's eyes closed. "Later," he said, soft and low, "I decided that I didn't want to be in love. I didn't want this feeling of rage one minute and… and…"
"Blithering idiocy the next?" she asked.
"Exactly," he said, smiling.
All the while he was talking to her, he was touching her, his hands gentle and tender, moving along her waist, along the edges of her breasts.
Then suddenly, he rolled away, to the far side of the bed so he seemed to be miles from her. "I can't do this," he said as he put his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. "I thought you were a widow or at least that you were familiar with a man. But you're almost a virgin."
