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“It was all part of the job. I’m just glad he’s going to make it,” Mark said truthfully as Bacon slipped him his beer. Then changing the subject, he asked Horvat, “How’s the bakery? Business good?”
Guilt pinged deep in his chest. He should have made more effort to make it in recently. Maybe Bacon was right. Maybe he was cutting himself off from his friends. Easier that way. They can’t leave if I’m not there.
“Business is great. You should bring the kids in sometime. I’ve got some new cookies on the menu they’d like.” Horvat’s real name was Maddox, but Mark had served too many years with him before he went civilian to think of him as anything other than Horvat. But he had to admit that civilian life seemed to suit the big guy—he had new smile lines around his eyes and a beard that made him look like a hipster lumberjack.
“Kids would like that.” Mark’s throat tightened without warning. Fuck. He missed them. Isaiah had been gone a lot lately, so even when Mark was home, he hadn’t had much chance to see them. He had another two days off coming up though, and he couldn’t wait to do something fun with them. Visiting the bakery would be nice, kids and Isaiah—
Wait. No Isaiah. Mark needed to stop visualizing them doing things together when Isaiah had made it clear he was available for necessary kid handoffs only. But somehow his excitement about taking the kids on an outing dropped with Isaiah out of the picture.
He’s the heart of this family. Too bad Mark couldn’t figure out how to work CPR on their relationship, get that heart back to beating.
“Maybe I’ll try to come around then too,” Tovey suggested with a wink. “Your kids like dogs?”
“Dogs plural?” Mark had to laugh. “You guys added a second?”
“He needed a friend.” Tovey shrugged. “Plus, double the puppy pictures to my phone when we’re away.”
“More like someone was visiting rescue sites again, saw one he couldn’t say no too.” Horvat laughed, but there was real affection there too. The two of them were never big on cutesy displays, but lord, the way they looked at each other was almost worse. It was like they could see into each other’s souls, like they got each other on a level no one else ever would.
I had that. Maybe for just a few weeks, but Mark had had that. Isaiah understood him in a way no one else ever had. He got the parts of Mark that needed quiet, got when he needed to talk, when to press and when to let him be. And Mark got to see the Isaiah few others got to see—the passionate, obsessive guy when he was planning a garden, the tender caregiver, the loyal-to-a-fault friend. And you let it go. Idiot. How many chances did people get to find that in their lives? Life didn’t provide infinite chances.
“You should get a dog for the kids. Might help them with the healing process.” Tovey was showing dog pictures all around—two cute mutts with various toys.
The healing process. Was that what Mark was going through? He certainly didn’t feel healed, his anger and grief still fresh wounds. The only time this...pit had seemed bearable was when he’d had Isaiah to hug and hold. And now that was gone.
“Maybe,” he allowed, but his brain was back to thoughts of Isaiah. A dog would only make sense if there was another adult full-time in the house. Someone else who wanted a pet for the kids. If Isaiah wasn’t there, if Mark had to get a nanny for the kids, it wouldn’t be fair to thrust a dog into the mix...
Fuck. He did not want to get a nanny. He wanted Isaiah. Wanted him in his bed. Wanted him in his life. Wanted to take him to Horvat’s bakery. Get Tovey’s input on dog choices.
Hey now. For the first time, Mark was visualizing Isaiah around his friends, and instead of terrifying him, it just made him nostalgic, made him want to see that. Isaiah already knew a lot of his crowd in passing. It would only have to be weird if you let it.
At the other end of the tables, Curly’s girlfriend was showing off a pretty diamond ring. Oh goody, another wedding. Mark made the right words of congratulations come out, lifted his glass with everyone else, but inside he crumbled a little. Another reminder that people moved on, that they got something he’d never have.
He wasn’t surprised when Bacon found him soon after the toasts. “You ready?”
“Yeah. Let’s split.” They made their goodbyes then headed for Bacon’s truck after deciding that Bacon would take him back to base, rather than to the house.
“Man. Tell me it’s not nice to be this jealous.” Bacon rested his head on the steering wheel for several beats before straightening and putting the truck in gear.
