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“It’s been weeks. I’m going to come in twenty seconds if you keep that up.”
“I’m good with that. And it’s been weeks for me too.” Spencer meant it to come out teasing, but his voice was still soft and sad from their earlier conversation. “What do you want? I want to make you feel good.”
If this was it, the last time, he wanted to make it memorable, wanted to tell Del everything with his touch that he couldn’t with his words.
“Just want to kiss you.” Del stretched out next to him before pulling him in for a deep, searching kiss. Spencer met him way more eagerly than he had earlier, resolved to memorize Del’s taste and feel. He wanted to remember more than simply how full his lips were, how soft his sighs, how hard his body was stretched out next to Spencer. He wanted to remember how Del made him feel when they kissed. Treasured. Cherished. Desired. Maybe even loved.
Usually Del’s eyes fluttered shut when they made out, but tonight, he kept opening them, eyes searching Spencer’s between kisses, as if Spencer was the key to his happiness. If only.
Eventually, Del rolled so they were both on their sides, legs tangling, cocks brushing against each other. This was usually the point when one of them would start scrambling for the lube or kissing their way south, but neither of them seemed in any hurry this time.
“Spence...” Del stroked his neck and arm before hitching Spencer’s top leg over his hip. “Missed you so much.”
“Missed you too.” Spencer met his mouth for another greedy kiss, this one making his toes curl, the way Del licked at his tongue and nipped at his lower lip. Gradually, his thrusts against Spencer picked up steam.
“Fuck. Need to come, but I don’t want this to end.” Del’s voice was pained.
“Me too. Never want it to end.” He meant more than the sex, and it came out in his low, urgent tone.
“I...” Del’s eyes closed, and his head tipped back, almost like he was seeking benediction.
I love you. The thought barreled into Spencer, stole his next breath, and almost came rushing out his throat. He swallowed hard, burying his face in Del’s neck so he couldn’t see it in his eyes, but he knew it was there. I love you. He couldn’t say it aloud, shouldn’t even be thinking it, but he felt it in every touch, every kiss, every breath. It wouldn’t be fair to share it, not now, but lord, how he felt it.
Del worked a hand between them, started stroking them off together. Spencer shuddered, from emotion as much as pleasure. He put his hand on Del’s, needing that last point of connection.
“Gonna...”
“Me too...” Spencer used his leg to hold him closer. Their mouths met in a desperate kiss, one that seemed to hold everything uncertain between them, all the feelings and possibilities and hopes and fears.
Del came first, hips bucking, and the slippery fluid coating their fists pushed Spencer over the edge too as he thrust into Del’s tight grip. The orgasm wrung him out, made his eyes sting and heart ache. It was release, but it wasn’t their usual jubilant laughter after either.
“I... Spencer...” It was there in Del’s eyes too, everything Spencer had been trying to hide in his own gaze, and Spencer couldn’t let him speak the words. Might never recover if he did. So he kissed him, drowned in the sleepy slides of their lips, lost himself to this man.
Eventually, Del slumped back against the pillows and Spencer made a halfhearted attempt at cleanup before stretching out to watch Del sleep. He resisted the impulse to trace the contours of his cheek or trail his fingers down Del’s slightly crooked nose. He’d finally gotten Del to share the story of how he’d broken it in a fight protecting Jamie, and now whenever Spencer noticed it, his stomach clenched with sympathy for how brave and bold Del had been back then. Still was, really. And now Spencer was about to disappoint his brave, bold warrior.
Tomorrow was going to suck. Del was going to try to argue that there was a way for them to have a future. And as much as Spencer wanted to believe him, he was a realist. And as much as he hated it, had to grit his teeth to keep from groaning, he knew exactly what he was going to have to do.
He was going to have to show Del what he was working on. And then he was going to have to watch him break Spencer’s heart, because there was no possible way this ended well. What did Del call it? No-win. No one was winning here.
So, yeah, he didn’t sleep, instead using the precious moments to soak in Del’s smell and warmth and to hold close the moment when their eyes had met and everything, everything had been between them. He was going to wrap himself in that moment, keep it safe even when everything fell apart.
