AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Choosing. Everyone is acting like he and I have a choice here. I didn’t choose to fall in love with him. It just happened. And I’m not choosing to let him go. That’s just happening too. And I hate that he’s not giving me a choice here, but I get how he feels like he doesn’t have one either. He only wants to do the right thing.”
“And you don’t feel that ending things is that right thing? Save you both some heartbreak—”
“Too late.” Canaan stabbed at a potato. “I’m already heartbroken. I hear he may be too. He thinks I’ll find someone else, but he’s wrong. There’s only one him. And I know you and Damian and the rest of the freaking world think it’s just a uniform fetish or something for me, and maybe there was a little of that to start, but something changed in me. Maybe it was out there on the ledge. Maybe it was just him. I don’t know. But I know he’s it for me.”
Speech done, he took a large sip of tea, letting the warmth relax the tightness in his throat and chest. Laying it all out like that in stark terms, he knew the truth of his words—he had changed. Two months ago, he was all about the eye candy, banging hot SEALs, and having a little fun. But now he only wanted one particular SEAL, and he’d want him no matter what his job was, muscles or not, uniform or civvies. He wanted every last bit of that hard work that Bacon and Grandpa alluded to. Bring it on.
Grandpa took a swig of his own tea and sighed. “I see. So what’s your plan?”
“Plan?” Canaan gave a bitter laugh. “I’m not going to turn into a stalker ex. Besides, he’s not wrong about my life being here. You’re here, and I’m not going to abandon you, not to get back with the band, not to chase Renzo.”
“That’s admirable.” Grandpa spent a long time looking down at his tea. “But I don’t expect—or need—that. I kind of figured that after you get your RN degree in December, you might move out, get a place closer to whichever hospital hires you. I’m not going to be shackles for you, Canaan.”
“You don’t want me here anymore?” Canaan recoiled, having to stop his head from tipping too far back.
“I didn’t say that. I love having you. Love what we’ve got going, but I’d understand if you wanted your own life. Your own future.”
“You are always going to be part of that future,” Canaan said firmly.
“You’re the best. You know that? It’s easy to see why that boy loves you.” Grandpa gave him a fond yet sad smile.
“I hate that love isn’t going to be enough here. It should be, right? Love’s supposed to be able to overcome anything.” Then realizing who he was talking to, he quickly added, “I mean, I guess some things can’t be overcome. You can love someone and it still isn’t enough.”
“Yup. That’s the truth.” Grandpa’s eyes got far off, and Canaan knew he was thinking of Grandma. “All you can really do is make sure people know how you feel while they’re still around. I don’t regret a single day spent with Molly. Not one, not even those last days.”
“Yeah.” Canaan took a few more bites of food. Renzo hadn’t let him speak before he’d left, hadn’t let Canaan say all of what was in his heart. And that wasn’t fair. Not to either of them. There had to be a way to let him know. Because maybe Canaan was going to lose him no matter what, and he’d have to respect that choice of Renzo’s, but at least he’d have said what he needed to say, let Renzo make a fully informed decision. The key was being brave enough to take that leap, share that truth.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Renzo had been actually hoping for Friday night duty, but with his leaving approaching, the senior chief had him on fairly light duties, shadowing Buddinger, doing all the paperwork needed for his move, that sort of thing. And come Friday afternoon, the senior chief told him to knock off at five, like he was suddenly an office worker.
“Don’t you have anything that needs doing?” Renzo offered as the rest of the team sped away, taking advantage of the early release. “Feels like I should be doing more than just paperwork, sir.”
“Moving takes a lot.” The senior chief clapped him on the shoulder. “We’re jumping again Sunday. You just be there, with your head on straight. Whatever you’ve had going on this week, you get a handle on it before you jump, you hear?”
“Yes, sir.” Renzo wasn’t sure that was possible, but he got what the senior chief was saying. He needed to regain his focus. And to that end, he took himself for a long run at the gym, listening to his favorite workout mix, trying not to think of Canaan and all their conversations about music. Every other song felt like a memory. The song they’d listened to on the way to Flagstaff. The song playing when Canaan drove the truck the first time. The song they’d once made out to in Canaan’s bed. He couldn’t seem to outrun the melody of who they’d been together.
