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“I appreciate you so much.” Mrs. Rose was effusive with her praise, which said I was likely a better actor than I thought, or perhaps she was only being kind by not mentioning my distraction. “You’re one of the best things to happen to Rainbow Cove.”
“So are you,” I said lightly. I’d meant what I’d said to Adam. I didn’t want to move again. Didn’t want to start over. This place was home now, in a way that other places had never been. I didn’t want to run away, but those old fears of being hurt were especially loud right then. “Now, let’s get you set to head home. Janet will be in with your discharge papers, which go over everything we talked about today. If you have another bad morning tomorrow though, you let us know.”
“I don’t want to have to go to the hospital.” She twisted her hands in her lap.
“I know. I don’t want that for you either, but sometimes we need to be in the best place for others to help us.” I struggled to keep an even tone as Adam’s stubbornness again came to mind. He didn’t want to cut back, didn’t want to accept help from anyone. But did you offer to help? Oh, hell. I hadn’t. Not really. I’d let those old fears paralyze me, keep me rooted in place, not attempted to solve the problem as any sort of team. With my patients like Mrs. Rose, I always saw things as a team, a concerted joint effort, but somehow, I’d lost sight of that when it came to Adam.
“Have a nice night, Doctor Strauss. I won’t take any silly risks,” Mrs. Rose assured me as I left the exam room. And later, as I made my way out to my car, I was still mulling over the idea of risks, both silly and necessary. I avoided silly risks—always drove the speed limit, didn’t cut corners, and didn’t do reckless actions. But I also took necessary risks all the time, everything from moving here to Rainbow Cove to the mundane parts of medicine where I had to make a judgment call, taking a risk that treatment or action would pay off.
What if Adam was a necessary risk? Damn it. Maybe I did need to hear him out again after all. Without overthinking it, I found myself driving north to the lake, but his truck wasn’t in his driveway. I felt foolish, like a line in a bad country song, driving by his place with him not even home. Worse, I hadn’t realized how much I wanted to see him until that moment when I couldn’t. This wasn’t a conversation to have in the middle of the Rainbow Tavern at all, so I pointed my car toward the beach. I couldn’t be where I truly wanted to be, but I could wait, hoping Adam was right that we weren’t done.
Thirty-Three
Adam
“There. I think it’s fixed.” I scooted away from Ramona’s dishwasher before shutting the door and starting a cycle so we could make sure it was, in fact, running again as promised. I might not be able to fix my love life, but repairing an ornery appliance was still a certain kind of satisfying.
“Thanks for coming.” Ramona leaned against the counter, looking less tired than she had the last time I’d seen her. Maybe she was turning the corner on her early pregnancy exhaustion. I hoped so. But she still seemed nervous, biting her lower lip. “I didn’t want to tell Mom that it broke again.”
“It’s okay.” I understood that it was awkward in that she technically rented from Mom and that the landlord side of their relationship could be as complicated as the parent/kid one. Besides, this had been a good distraction for me. “The machine is going to need replacing sometime soon, but it should hold for now.”
“Good. The less I talk to Mom for a few days, the better.”
“You’re mad that she found out your news? Or more mad that she told me?” In the end, I hadn’t been able to play dumb like I’d told Mom I would. Ramona had assumed that Mom had told me, and I couldn’t outright lie to her.
“Not really. I was going to have to tell you both eventually. She didn’t have to ask that hard.” Ramona gave a resigned shrug. “But she sure does have opinions about what I should do.”
“You don’t have to take her advice.” Standing, I patted her shoulder. “Or anyone else’s. You do what you want to do, what feels right for you. I’ll stand by you. And she will too, opinions and all.”
Ramona let out a breathy sigh. “I want this baby, impractical as it is.”
“Sometimes we want impractical things.” I echoed her sigh. Quinn came to mind there. Was it practical to have a relationship right now when so many other things needed me? No. But fuck being practical. Quinn was all about being reasonable and practical and avoiding excess hurt while ignoring what we each wanted deep down.
