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“You’re selling yourself short.” Taking a risk, I grabbed his hand, and luckily, he didn’t pull away. “And that’s probably my fault. You don’t need to come in last, Quinn. You deserve to be someone’s top priority. You deserve to come first.”
If I’d learned nothing else from watching Darren and Ramona, it was that. Quinn deserved more than the scraps of someone’s time.
“Thank you.” He dug his teeth into his lower lip.
“Without you, none of the rest of it means as much.” I’d thought about that the whole drive over to his place. My life had had meaning prior to him, but he made it better. Richer. Made me like everything about my life more. I struggled for the words to explain. “I like working my shifts knowing I get to see you after. I like taking more time off because I get to spend it with you. And I like being around my family, knowing I get to go home with you. I want you in my life and not as an afterthought or something to squeeze in between other commitments.”
Quinn’s expression was like the sunset, transitioning through multiple emotions. Hope then tenderness before shuttering again.
“But you can’t ignore those other commitments or pretend they don’t exist.” Still holding my hand, he swung it lightly. “I can do a better job of trusting you to figure out a balance, but neither of us can manufacture more than twenty-four hours in a day.”
“No, but not everything on my list needs to be an all-caps, red pen item.” I’d thought about that too, going as far as to dig out my phone in his parking lot. I had a running list of obligations and errands, and he wasn’t even on it. That needed to change. “I want us to be priority, and if that means rearranging other things in my life, then that probably needed to happen a long time ago.”
“I want us to be a priority too,” he said softly, dragging his foot against the sand to make a little trench. “I’m trying to trust you, but it’s hard.”
“You’ve been burned before. I get it.” I didn’t like it, but I did understand where Quinn was coming from. He didn’t have a lot of experience being someone’s top priority, and I could sympathize. And that made what I was trying to do all the more necessary. “But I mean it. I’m going to put you—and me—first. If I don’t put my health high on the list, I’m not going to be much use to anyone else.”
“Your health or lack thereof isn’t what makes you useful.” Stepping closer, he looked deeply into my eyes. “I’ll always have a use for you. Even with the headaches. But you’re right. Make changes for you and for your own health.”
“I’m not simply talking the talk either. I know it would be easy to promise to put us first and then end up saying yes to a bunch of other stuff, so I’m going to make some actual changes. On the way over here, I told Mason I want more hours off and want to see about better aligning at least some of my time off to your schedule at the clinic.”
I was better at concrete action than pretty words, and I wanted to show us both that I could carry through on my promises.
Quinn gave a slow nod. “I can help with the schedule stuff. I’ve taken extra shifts the past year or so because I didn’t have much reason to say no. But you’re a pretty good excuse for a day off.”
“Ditto. And so that guilt over everything I usually help Mom with doesn’t fill all my new time away, I’m going to have a long-overdue talk with her about her hiring a handyperson for extra help.”
“I like your mom. I can help there too. That’s what I should have said this morning.” Licking his lips, he gave me a tentative smile. “You are taking on too much, but I can help if you’d let me. I might not have your mad fix-it skills, but I can change a few light bulbs. I hate the idea of you leaving her in the lurch.”
Quinn was so damn giving that it made my throat hurt.
“Thank you, but I won’t be leaving her high and dry. Maybe we can help together sometimes. But I can also manage my availability to help so I don’t have to give up my own life.”
“You can.” Quinn’s ready agreement said he’d likely had similar thoughts previously but been too kind to point out that maybe I said yes to everyone else a bit too easily.
I think…” I trailed off, not sure I wanted to voice one of the realizations I’d had on the way over.
“Yes?” he prompted.
“God.” Dropping his hand, I scrubbed at my hair. “This is hard. But I think maybe I was so damn grateful for how she and Ramona supported me in high school that I kind of went overboard trying to be everything they needed because they were there when I needed it most.”
