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"No, you don't. You need to stay here with me."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. You need to stay here with me. I love you, Jo Jo. I don't want you to leave. No, I need you to stay here with me. I let you walk away from me last time and I never let you know how much it hurt me. Now, I'm telling you exactly how I feel and I pray you feel the same way too."
I lowered my arms from over my chest. Did he really just say that? Out loud? So easily? I was floored. My mouth tried to form words but I was completely stuck. All I could hear on repeat was him saying that he loved me. And that he needed me.
"I don't think you know what you're saying," I protested. "Nobody wants or needs me, Peter. I'm the temporary person until it's time for me to move on."
He shook his head. "No, that was everyone before you in my life. Just someone who was temporary that could fill the void and make it feel like I wasn't so alone. You're different. When I'm with you, I'm happy for the first time in my life."
"Peter…"
"Don't try to deny it. I see how much you smile when we're together. And I know how tightly you hold onto me in your sleep. Do you think my grip is strong? Whoo, I've never known anyone to latch on so hard and refuse to let go."
My face turned red at his words.
I remembered the mornings where we woke up together tangled in each other's arms, legs thrown around the other's body. It had been so comforting to wake up to him knowing that he would be there for me and love me no matter what. That he would protect me. Just like when we were kids.
How did I ever get on without him? Every time I tried to figure it out I came up blank. I tried to keep my walls up, keep him out of them, but when he looked at me like that and said he loved me? My knees got weak and I had no idea how I'd ever lived without him.
"Peter there's a lot still going on," I said. "I have a job and a life and—"
"Do you love me?"
"It's not that simple."
"Do you love me?"
I frowned and bit my lip. Did I love him?
My heart ached at the thought of being away from him. It dragged me down and suffocated me when I thought about getting into my car, driving away and never seeing him again. How could I do those things when he wanted me to stay so badly? When I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to go in the first place?
"Peter, I…" I shook my head.
I thought about the woman I'd run into. His perfect type. I was so far away from that it shouldn't even be possible that we were in the same league.
He loved me because I was his friend, not because he was interested in me the way he was interested in her. I glanced up at him, my eyes watering as I swallowed thickly.
"I just don't know…"
"What's not to know?" He pressed. "When you're with me are you happy?"
I nodded and whispered. "Yes."
"And when we're apart, do you miss me so bad it hurts your heart?"
I nodded again. "Terribly."
"Then what else is there to know, Joanne? Do you love me?"
I glanced up at him. His eyes held so many emotions that I'd seen him tuck away his whole life. Fear, doubt, stress, anxiety. I reached out and caressed his st
ubble lined cheek in my palm. Right away, he leaned into it and closed his eyes. My heart sped up all over again.
How could I not be in love with that man?
Chapter 18
