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Not well enough it would seem.
That, more than anything in this fucked up situation, upset her deeply. She hadn’t protected Erin as well as she’d hoped she had. And what kind of mother did that make her?
A questionable one, but she'd be damned before anyone took her child from her.
But she wasn’t the only one dealing with the aftermath of her revelation. While she was dealing with her own guilt, Josh had frozen in place. He’d yet to move.
The more she watched him, the more she realized he was aware of the meaning behind Erin’s words, but that he’d been in the dark about Jamie’s character. The notion filled her with relief. If he had known, could she still have sought help from him? When he’d allowed his friend to treat her like that? Throwing her to the wolf that was his best friend…
No, instinct told her Jamie’s mask had held true where Josh was concerned.
The trouble was, she knew too few people in New York City. This wasn’t her place, wasn’t her home. She had to stay here for Erin, when really, she wished she could be back in upstate New York. In her tiny hometown a stone’s throw away from the Hamptons where this miserable adventure had begun all those years ago.
She had no friends here. No friends that weren’t connected to Jamie, at any rate. Or if not him, his parents.
The only reason she’d come to Josh today was because he was richer than Frank, more powerful too. She’d been uncertain as to whether he’d help her or her in-laws in the end, but she’d had to try.
In all the years she’d known him, she’d never known Josh to be so silent. He was renowned for his cutting and acerbic weight, something she’d fallen prey to many times over the years. She wasn’t used to him being quiet, wasn’t sure which she preferred.
She squeezed her hands around the ends of the armrests of her chair. She knew her knuckles bled white from the ache, but she stayed there, remained silent, letting Josh absorb her words. Uncertain if he’d choose to believe her, or if he’d have her thrown out of his office for lying.
Truth was, she expected the latter more than the former.
Eventually, when the silence grew too much, she whispered, “Say something, Josh.” She gulped. Anything would do.
He blinked. “For how long?” he asked, his voice gravelly and so hoarse it was almost a rasp.
“Pretty much from the beginning,” she whispered softly. Memories she’d long since tried to bury stirred from the depths where she placed them after Jamie’s heart attack. Despite herself, and despite the fact the last thing she wanted was to revisit that time, she whispered, “You were there when we met, weren’t you?”
She’d wished Josh had been the one to ask her to dance at the country club ball. Even though he was mean to her, she could deal with that. At one point, she’d have taken verbal abuse over the physical she’d had to endure at Jamie’s strung out hands.
He nodded. “We went together. I saw him ask you to dance.”
“Don’t misunderstand me, Josh. Erin is the best thing that ever happened to me. No matter what happened between me and his father, I have no regrets where he’s concerned.” She blew out a breath. “But I really wish I hadn’t gone to that ball that night.”
His mouth worked. “But he wasn’t like that.”
His words weren’t strident, weren’t uttered in that patented arrogant tone of his. If anything, there was a plea buried within them.
She knew she was hurting him with these revelations, but what could she do? The truth hurt. And it hurt a damn sight less than the myriad injuries she’d had to suffer at his friend’s hands.
“He was,” she said softly, sadly. “I wish he hadn’t been. That night we met, I felt sure I’d met my Prince Charming.”
Her lips curled with remembered pleasure. Jamie had been so handsome. A true golden boy. White blonde hair at the roots that darkened into gold at the tips. His skin had been bronzed from the sun, his body long and lean from all the tennis he played and all the laps he swum. He looked so dapper in his tuxedo, so perfect, so all-American that she’d felt like the Belle of the ball when he’d asked her to dance.
“But he wasn’t. He was anything but. He’d been a walking nightmare. Especially by the end.”
Her mama was a seamstress, and Samantha’s dress had been made by her. She’d felt so pretty at the beginning of the night, but when she and her friends had sneaked into the dance at the country club where all the rich folk from the Hamptons met and gathered for special occasions, she’d felt so dowdy. So unfashionable.
Then, Jamie had swept out of nowhere. He’d asked her to dance, and she’d shyly accepted his hand. He’d taken her away. Danced her, seemingly, to the moon and back. The night ended with them fooling around in his car, and like so many stupid girls, she’d let him go too far and ended up pregnant.
Of course, nobody had thought she was stupid. Not when Jamie had married her after finding out she was carrying his child. No, then, everyone had thought she was a gold digger. And she wasn’t. She’d been enchanted by the golden man who would eventually become the star of her deepest, darkest nightmares.
“When? Why?”
She stiffened at his questions. “I did nothing to deserve it,” she spat.
His eyes flared wide. “I didn’t mean it that way, I-I never thought you did.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I had no right to ask that, Samantha. I-I don’t know how to get my head around this.”
