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“I’m not going anywhere with you.” Mr. Cruz says.
“Well, I’m going to watch Dani,” Mrs. Cruz says, “I didn’t come all this way just to not see her skate.”
“I don’t have to come if you don’t want me to,” I tell them. “But, go and see for yourselves. I hope when you see how well she’s doing, you’ll know that I’m good for her.”
I turn and walk out of the lobby, shoving my hands in my pockets as a blast of cold air hits my face. Instead of taking a cab, I walk all the way back to Athlete’s Village to clear my head. I pass by a jewellery shop and stand in front of the window for a full minute before I decide to go in.
Thirteen
Danika
My morning practice is a complete flop. The entire time, I can’t concentrate on skating. When Clint dropped me off, he told me he had something he needed to take care of but he’d be back soon. It’s almost been two hours and there’s still no sign of him. My parents are here though and they don?
??t look happy. At least my dad doesn’t. When I skate past them, he won’t make eye contact.
The magic that I felt on the ice over the last two weeks seems to have melted and now I’m back to making the same mistakes I was before I got to Korea. I’m even worse than I was because I can’t land my double axel no matter how many runs I take at it. I don’t have to look at Pierre to know that he’s going to be super pissed at me. But he doesn’t have to lecture me. No one could be angrier at me than me. Each jump I don’t land brings more disappointment and fear.
After practice, I slowly shower and get dressed, the entire time dreading seeing my parents when I’m done. They’re going to accuse Clint of distracting me and ruining my chances at a medal and after my performance today, there’s not much I can say to convince them otherwise. Tasha is with me in the change room and I unburden myself while we get dressed.
“Did I peak over the last few days and now I’m over?” My stomach tightens at the thought.
“No, hon, I’m pretty sure today is just a glitch. It’s the stress of having your parents show up and them finding you with Clint.”
I bury my red face in my hands. “Oh, God. That could not have gone worse.”
“Well, they could have walked in and gotten an eyeful of him going for a muff dive.”
I burst out laughing and Tasha laughs along.
When the moment passes, she says, “Your parents are really great people. They love you to bits, but you know what? They also put even more pressure on you than any of the other parents. I have a feeling that you did better when they weren’t here because you could put some distance between yourself and all that guilt they pile on you.”
My shoulders drop and I sit on the bench feeling suddenly numb.
“I don’t mean to be a bitch about your mom and dad. I know they’ve given up a lot for you, but anyone would crumble under the weight of that pressure.”
“Yeah, I guess maybe that’s it. But I can’t ask them to stay away during the games. It would kill them.”
“They want you to win, no matter what it takes.”
“I’d never tell them to go home. I just couldn’t.”
“Then you need to accept the fact that they sacrificed for you because they wanted to do it, not because you made them. They wanted this for you so they made it happen. You can’t spend your life feeling guilty for something they chose for you when you were four-years-old. Your only shot at winning is to unload that burden when you strap on those skates.”
That night, I lay in bed next to Clint, and we just talk. We talk for hours about my parents and all the guilt I feel for what they’ve done for me. We talk about what it would mean to win the gold and what life will really be like after I’ve achieved my biggest dream. Clint has gone ahead in this way and he knows what it’s like to go from having nothing to having nothing to worry about. He opens up and tells me about his childhood. He was raised by his mom, his dad having disappeared shortly after he was born. His mom, who was a baker, left for work at three in the morning so he had to get used to getting up on his own and getting himself to school, even as a little boy. When he started playing hockey, he had to figure out how to use the city transit system and had to drag his hockey equipment twelve blocks so he could catch a bus to practice.
As I listen, I realize that I don’t know the first thing about hardship. I’ve always had two parents who loved me more than anything. I never once had to get myself ready for school alone or come home to an empty house. One of them was always there.
It’s almost morning by the time we drift off to sleep and even though I’m exhausted, I’m somehow renewed. I know that I’m going to be okay and that I’ve always had what it takes. I just didn’t believe it.
It’s the morning of the short program. The stadium is packed with spectators when Clint and I arrive. The building that once echoed with the odd sound of one person’s voice now thunders with applause for the ice dancing pairs that are finishing up.
I take a deep breath when I spot my parents, who I’ve asked to meet me by the east entrance. They still haven’t forgiven Clint or given us their approval, but they will by the time the games are over. I give them a firm nod, then say, “Mom, Dad, I’m going to win today, and when I do, you’re going to have to admit that Clint is what I said he is—the right one for me.”
“Today has nothing to do with him. This is about you, Pumpkin,” my dad says, his face filled with intensity.
“No, Dad. You’re wrong. You got me here, I know that. But Clint has shown me how to dig deep and find my true confidence. He has never doubted what I’m capable of, but you both do that to me all the time…”
My mom opens her mouth, but I stop her by holding my finger in the air.
