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He sounds so sincere, so convincing, but I know that fairytales don’t really come true. If they did, people wouldn’t have to write about them all the time to keep the myth alive.
“Our worlds are each other's until the day after tomorrow when I walk down that plank and enter reality.”
“Damn it Libby. Why do you doubt what I tell you?” His hand drops from mine. “You don’t believe that I want you, and yet, I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. You doubt this because you’re not sure you want me.” He swings his legs to the side of the table and hops off. “I’ve got work to do. I don’t have time for your doubts.”
I lift up. “Asa, stop.” I swing around to a sitting position and look at him. He’s the most gorgeous man I’ve ever known. He’s sweet and wise and wonderful, but I know this isn’t reality. This was a one-week fantasy. “Asa, I’m not the kind of girl who gets the glass slipper and the ball gown and the prince. I’m the kind of girl that reads about other girls getting it.”
“Libby, I don’t know what I can do to convince you that I love you. I don’t think that’s our problem. I think that you’re not convinced you love me. Maybe it’s our age difference.” A pained look covers his face. “Or maybe you were just using me. The one thing I know for sure is I’m not willing accept anything less than all of you.”
He turns and walks away, and I sit on the massage table and my heart drops like an anchor. What have I done?
I spend the afternoon walking around the port of St Kitts. I eat at a restaurant called Shipwreck Bay because it seems fitting for my situation. For days, I’ve been riding high on the waves of passion until Asa left me on the beach to think about my stupid actions. I should have chased him back to the ship and told him what he wanted to hear, but I had to convince my head what my heart already knew.
Asa has done nothing to make me believe he doesn’t feel exactly as he says. The man shows me he loves me each time he makes love to me. He is so gentle and caring, always seeing to my pleasure before his own. He is everything I dream of and that’s the problem, he’s so perfect that it’s hard to believe he’s real. I’ve allowed him my body, but I’ve kept love at a distance. Once before, I gave a man my heart and my body and he hurt me. Poor Asa is paying for that man’s mistakes.
I reach up and touch the earrings. Asa and Libby, he said when he gave them to me, and now I wonder if there is an us anymore. It’s time to stop being afraid. It’s time to tell him I love him.
When I get back to our room, he is gone. I mean really gone as in all of his things are gone. The only thing that remains is a letter.
Libby,
I thought it better that I leave the ship today than torment you or myself any longer. I love you. Maybe that’s the problem. I saw you and I loved you and I smothered you. I didn’t give you a chance to make a choice for yourself. I chose for both of us. I’ve always been a man who knew what he wanted, and I never stopped until I got it.
It’s a good thing Captain Christos couldn’t perform a wedding or you would wear my ring instead of a pair of earrings. Imagine that.
I’m flying to Greece to take care of business. I’d love to see you when I return. Think of me, Libby, and decide if you could ever love me like I love you.
Yours always,
Asa
I dial his number right away and a funny tone sounds and then there’s silence. His phone is turned off. I whisper into the phone, knowing he can’t hear me. “Asa, come back to me.”
He’s shutting me out because I wouldn’t let him all the way in. I am terrified to open my heart to a man who could eviscerate me. By not telling him that I fell in love with him the minute he held up a romance novel in the library, I’ve torn my own heart out.
I spend the next two days moping around on deck with Justice by my side.
“I’m sorry I was such a shit, Lib. I didn’t trust his motive
s. He is this handsome, rich guy and—”
I hold up my hand to stop her. “I know, I’m me.”
“No, Libby, I know I’ve made you feel less than me, but it’s only because I always knew you were more than me. I needed a man to make me feel value, but you had that on your own. That’s what makes you beautiful and sexy. Asa sees it because he has an eye for quality.”
“I totally screwed it up, Justice. He loved me, and I let him get away.”
She pulls me into her bony chest. “I believe he loves you, and if that’s true, he won’t stay away. He won’t be able to.”
Life returns to my new normal which is checking my phone a million times a day and writing an email an hour to Asa, but only sending the least pathetic one a day.
Every day since the cruise ended, I get one short and sweet message.
Day one is: “I miss you, Libby.”
And I reply with, “I miss you, too.”
Day two: “I miss everything about you, Libby.”
